4 in the bed

moving - update!

2012-01-03T07:28:00.004Z

So my new blog address is

http://5inthebed.wordpress.com

This blog will self destruct in 3 weeks.

m

2012-01-03T07:28:00.001Z

moving!

2011-12-28T15:40:00.003Z

I'm moving my blog -- apparently wordpress is better for ipad quirks... so that's where I'm headed... fear not, I can even import all my old posts and the comments! I'll be letting you all know when I'm all set up.

I keep getting blog posts in my head, but I never have a chance to sit down and write them uninterrupted. So I might start doing a little thought once a day or so... and then a post about the kids/life etc. once a fortnight. Hopefully I can get some momentum going again shortly! I have so much to talk about... but getting everything ordered just seems sooo hard right now!

An answer?

2011-12-18T21:21:00.001Z

So it's possible I've found an answer to my iPad/blogger drama...
This is a picture of Eve today with a new toy... A TV with buttons that she made for herself.

And here is another example of why toys seem so pointless at times...

Eve and willow using one of our old boxes as a boat. I suggested they use my kitchen mop as a mast and a funky piece of fabric from the dressing up box as a sail.

This is from their voyage to the arctic. To see the penguins.

A bridge / tripwire made from a leftover idea shelf slat and their upended stools.

Eve helping willow cross by holding hands... Awww!

Isaac sitting on the potty (he doesn't often use the potty, he prefers to be held over our potty-bowl, this is the first time he's sat on it and actually wee'd!) who doesn't love tigger?!

So I'm hoping to set aside some time to blog more often. It depends on if this app keeps crashing on me, because that is a huge turn off.

Christmas is coming. Eve is upset that it's not Nooooow! She is offended that I refuse to put the tree up until Christmas Eve. We have gifts for everyone. I'm still making some... I'm hoping a few will be late gifts... I need more time.

Eve woke up last night with a sore ear and was awake very upset for a while several times. The little ones had a bad night too. I am nuffed. She seems better this afternoon after staying home from church with Daddy. I had a lie in so the idea was that nick would have a nap during the day. Hmm.

There's a few things I want to blog about, but we'll see if I ever have time. Things are starting to get easier... I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Isaac is settling a lot easier now. He is so much like Eve as a baby.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The annoyance of apple technology...

2011-11-25T18:20:00.001Z

So it seems I can write blog posts on this app I've had to *buy* to stop me from snapping the iPad into two in a blind rage. Seriously. For some reason I thought this would be great idea and a step forward in my blogging ease. Wrong.

So I can write blog posts here. Then upload them to my blogger editing thingy... Butbthen if I so much as look at them on a pc or laptop, or possibly even the iPhone using the same app.... It's gone. I can no longer access it fro. This app.

Don't get me wrong, it's cool. I can do some very cool stuff with the kids, and there are a few things I prefer here to my laptop. But I'm not sure it's me. I like to copy and paste and wiggle things around and all of that. And I can't do that here. It's monstrous!!

Figuring out how to get photos from my iPhone to blogger and then be able to edit the post ought to be my highest priority right now. But it won't be. I have three darling monsters to entertain...

This is a photo of our living room wall before I emptied it ready to start on winter. I miss the colour on the Walls :)

Tonight I need to work on a little friends birthday present and our advent calendar scriptures... It's creeping up on me again...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Homemade Halloween

2011-11-20T21:17:00.002Z

Written a while ago... I need to get back into the habit of posting again now things are settling down a bit...

We've never really done Halloween before... mainly because to me it always seemed like a Hollywood/American celebration of nothing in particular other than to extort candy (that's sweets to us Brits) out of random people. We don't really like that kind of thing here.

This year, we have a wonderful Halloween Party to go to! I'm really enjoying being so involved with the Home Education community!

I considered buying costumes. Because honestly. I am so tired and time is tight. But I have so many materials here it would be a waste. So I am determined to make the girls Halloween costumes. And perhaps something for me and Isaac too. Who knows, Nick might need a costume if he doesn't get a job soon!

So Eve will be a witch (her choice, not mine!) Willow will be a cat (again, her choice)

Another thing that has swung it for me is looking into the origins of Halloween, or as it is called by pagans - Samhain. It's about the coming of winter and the death of the old year. Really interesting stuff!

***
Random photos I never got to share:

So we went to one party, and I got reminded how gruesome and ghoulish Halloween is over here and how much I actually dislike observing it in the "traditional" sense. It gave me a bad feeling. We missed the HE party despite having costumes... Gorgeous costumes... Because everyone except me was sick, and continued to be sick all week. Yuck. But yay for my new lifestyle (more raw food via green smoothies especially and dairy free)

I'm still trying to figure out a good way of transferring photos from the iPhone to the iPad without synching (because that's ha work for me in t he current set up. I'm also struggling with bringing photos in from my picas album, so forgive the dump and run nature of this post. I'm getting far too irritated attempting to make it look good. The iPad may well look good and be user friendly if you just want to do basic stuff, but it's useless if i want to fiddle around and make stuff look half decent etc. Its really annoying me. I'm hoping this is just teething issues.

Hopefully I'll be able to get back in the habit of updating this. I really like looking back and seeing what we've all been up to, but it's difficult if I can't get all the technology working in harmony!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Visit to York

2011-09-25T14:45:00.001+01:00

Forgot to post this...

Thomas and Isaac

Willow, Eve and Edward

Little Maddie

Willow and Dave on the slide

Willow and Edward holding hands on the way to the base playpark

At the top of the climbing frame

Coming down off the climbing frame

Mahoosive fish in the university lake

I love black swans!

Feeding the ducks

Collecting stones and being chased by ducks

Cuteness

Sharing a ride at the Railway museum

This is the Hogwarts express!!

Trains, trains, trains... Or more accurately... Engines, engines, engines!

Dressing up

A really good talk about forces

YouTube Video

All seven cousins

How to make an EC belt

2011-09-08T11:42:00.001+01:00

Okay, so not the best photos, but I hope this shows the steps involved.

First cut a strip of fabric about 80cm long and 10cm wide. Fleece is best because it repels water (or wee) and is really soft. Fold in half lengthwise and start sewing with about a 5mm allowance.

Closeup of my awful handstitching since the machine is out of action while I figure something out. I used a back stitch (I think that's what it's called!)

Turn the tube right side out ( this is the hardest most time consuming bit)

Insert elastic. I bought a load of this button hole elastic when I was pregnant so I could keep wearing my normal clothes. I thought this way the belt will be even more variable. I added a button to the fleece and attached the elastic, but you could simply see the two ends of elastic together. The easiest way of getting the elastic through the tube, I've found at least, is to attach it to a large safety pin and push it through like that.

Tuck it all in neatly and you're ready to go!

I'm using a 40cm Terry nappy here, but you can use anything... A prefold, cut up towel, booster, muslin cloth...

Awwww!

Spongy Tangram Shapes

2011-09-08T10:13:00.001+01:00

I love Maths! I've also been quite lax with helping Eve along with her autonomous education. I mean, how do you know if you're interested in something until you know something about it?

Anyway. After we did a little crafting this morning involving glitter, beads, sequins and food colouring http://happyhooligans.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/crafts-for-little-people/ (all of Eves most favourite things!) after looking for the glitter I ended up with some sponges in my hands with a plan to cut some shapes for stamp painting with later on. Well I did a few shapes and we talked about them a bit, but then I was suddenly inspired to make a Tangram set for both of the monkeys!

She put them together with a little direction for the first time :)

Willow is more interested in stacking them or making abstract shapes

I'm doing a lot better at keeping things vaguely organised :)

I've been thinking about doing this with Eve for ages but it annoys me that the cardboard always gets bent or ripped or the edges bumped. It's something I would have to do away from the smaller two if done with paper or cardboard. Hurrah for a solution!

I think this would actually be just as good for older kids as the texture of the sponge definitely adds something to the experience.

There are loads of Tangram websites out there and fantastic shapes to be made. It is a brilliant activity for all ages... It even keeps me occupied!

Running man:

Snail (minus the eyes!):

Rabbit or hare:

Pram:

Sail boat (on it's side):

Funky socks

2011-08-16T12:51:00.001+01:00

They're finally done!

I love them! And now I see the benefit of two-at-a-time socks!

Spontaneity

2011-08-05T20:29:00.001+01:00

Dinner in the woods :)

It's not dirt, it's fun :$

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Getting back in the swing

2011-08-05T11:02:00.001+01:00

It's been a while since we went on a nice moderately long walk. Firstly I was babymooning. Then we have had issues with sleep patterns. Isaacs food tolerance issues. Then it got hot (I don't do well with hot. If there's any Terry Pratchett fans: think trolls!) Then we caught a nasty virus (or two) and on top of the sleep deprivation and the heat as well as the complete change in dietary requirements meaning there was very little food to snack on unless I had prepared it in the evening which is when I would just physically collapse... Anyway.... Nuffed. Getting out of bed was enough, let alone going for a walk with grotty grumpy kids.

But today it is cooler. It rained a lot yesterday. In fact it's about to rain on us right now (drafting on iPhone!) Isaac is feeling a lot better. True, willow vomitted on me this morning... But everyone is pretty happy. I had a fairly unbroken night of sleep!

I'd like to think I could post more, but we just got home and they turned into lunatics again!

Interesting things we saw today...

Random hole in the side of a house

Trees to climb/ hug

Strange berries on top of stems

Chamomile/"big daisy"?

The world always seems a nicer place after we've been for a nice stroll :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Staying home

2011-07-08T11:31:00.001+01:00

Sometimes we need to stay home to recoup from a week of hard activity...

Eve cleaning her kitchen

Frozen fruit on kebab sticks (also known as 5 minutes peace!)

Isaac wearing lovely cloth nappies (which I appreciate even more since the washing machine has been broken for 6 weeks now!!)

A load of handwashing so I could have Isaac in his new nappies :)

Eves new crafting corner and the general state of my living room...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone (which is far easier to upload photos with btw)

Picking our own

2011-07-07T14:15:00.001+01:00

We've found a weekly crafting activity at a local-ish fruit farm. Fantastic combination if you ask me!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Crafting Corner

2011-07-02T08:46:00.000+01:00

I've made a few changes in the last few months. Things that make my life easier and mean that the girls can keep busy while I'm out of action feeding the baby.

The best of all the things I've done is creating a craft area for eve. Before now we just did crafts at the table. What this meant was a constantly messy table and a scramble to get things tidy for lunch, dinner or one of my students arriving. Since the kitchen is always in a semi-used state, it's generally not clean and tidy for more than a few seconds in the day... Not all at the same time at least!

What this means is that I can have some activity always left out to just pick up and get on with. We have a massive box of paper that's been printed on one side from some warehouse. I've just got my craft scissors out of the spare room and cutting bits of paper up with different patterns has kept her very happy until
Lunch. She also has her fuzzy felt packs over there, crayons and stencils.

We had a lovely care package in the mail the other day with ribbons and sparkly bits in for the girls, which has spurred me to get things more organised... If I can easily get to things i'm more likely to use them doing fun things.

At first I worried that leaving them unassisted while crafting would result in a huge mess for me to clear up. But Willow pretty much copies Eve and Eve is surprisingly proficient! I obviously don't leave paint and things like that out for them. Or things I have plans for myself.

an Attempt.

2011-06-22T20:28:00.003+01:00

I lie in bed at night writing blog posts... but as soon as I actually get near the laptop to write them the words... even the topics fly from my mind and I'm blank.

No pictures tonight, sorry. It takes too much time!

Tonight I'm thankful Habiba and baby Alma are back together again. The battle is over, although the war is not ended. Hopefully they'll be able to put back their life together. I know there are thousands of people all over the world looking out for them.

The strawberries in our garden suddenly ripened today, so we've been chomping on them. Delicious. There are still a load of plants in "the wastelands" at the bottom of the garden which I mean to reposition but didn't manage to before their fruits set... then it seemed wrong to move them and lose the fruit. Even though I knew we'd lose a lot of them to slugs.

I've decided not to get ducks or any more chickens this year. I have enough to be working on I guess. I was pleased to see the pictures of the ducks in Heathers garden, so maybe I'll be able to get my duck "fix" that way for now. We found some really cool hen houses made from recycled material. I think we'll be treating ourselves to one of those if and when we need to send our little house back to the original owners. I WILL be having some call ducks next year though. Mark my words.

The worst thing about our washing machine having been broken the last few weeks... well, Isaac has been in disposables for at least 2 weeks now. It's too much for Nick to carry an extra load every couple of days to his mums and back. So there's that. AND the fact that everything is getting tumble dried, which just isn't the same, and bah -- it's summer -- they should be drying on the line!! I only have about 3 or 4 pairs of trousers I tend to cycle through quite quickly since, you know, I am with 3 (at least) small children EVERY DAY. So that's not much fun. Trying to explain to Nick why he needs to do MY washing over everyone elses. He gets it, he just doesn't always remember.

Eve has been doing lots of crafts in the week. To keep up I had to go to bed at 8.40pm last night. I feel slightly better, and it's not like I had any more or less "me" time, but at least I didn't feel like a complete wreck and need to fall asleep today, which is probably good because Eve didn't nap, and I managed to keep her going until bedtime, with minimal issues and infractions. It probably helped that I didn't sit at the dinner table because I was feeding Isaac.

I've had to stop our veg box because the veggies were not lasting well. Things were looking really really worse for wear by the weekend (delivered on Tuesday) and I just cannot justify spending so much when the quality is not there. I can't afford to go out and buy more for the rest of the week, and I don't have time to process everything the first day so it can be frozen or whatever. And I shouldn't have to. Vegetables should not go rotten or bendy or whatever over 2 days in the fridge. So I don't know what to do about that. I'm thinking of trying another supplier. But I'm not horribly keen on them. I just want to support a local farmer, I'm not too fussed about organic certification.

My beans, peas and squash are all really behind I think. Who knows what the weather is going to do next. Today we've had a typically April-like day... crazy showers with punctuations of beautiful sunshine! In March I'm pretty sure we had June-like heat waves. We're apparently in a drought... again... but they say that every year. I'm sure it's just to hike up the water bills.

Nick was telling me eBay have changed their fees. They now charge 10% to sell your items ON TOP of the fees to list them. They make out it's to simplify things, but really it's because SINCE THEY'RE CLEARLY NOT RAKING IN ENOUGH MONEY ALREADY they need more revenue. Makes me sick. Let's not even talk about bankers.

Short hair. Hmm. Not convinced to be honest. Yes it looks great when the hairdresser does her thing and I walk out of the salon with swishy lovely hair... albeit with my scalp burnt off... but still. As soon as it's been washed it decides it wants to do crazy things. and I can't seem to dress it so it looks nice. So I don't know. It is easier to wash when I do... but I don't know. I kinda miss the length in a way. It was nice to wear it down occasionally. I think I will be growing it long again. I may even consider dreadlocks again, against Nicks better judgement :D

My efforts to try and get the Home Education community in the area together is going great. We've got a group meet up every fortnight, and we've also had play dates with a few families in between. Most of the families are coming across from Northampton at the moment, especially those with older children. It's a lovely group though, and there seems to be someone for everyone. I feel a little like I've found my tribe. I never fitted in at any of the parenting/baby/toddler groups. I felt different. wrong. weird. odd. strange. I seem to have at least a couple of things in common with all the parents who bring their young people. And we seem genuinely interested in the things that the others are getting up to (yurt building anyone? Dungeons and Dragons perhaps?) So with Daventry going so well... I'm hoping I can help get Rugby going too. Perhaps get a consolidated group running in Northampton, somewhere more central. Get activities running for different ages and interests, depending on where the needs are.

I'm planning a "not back to school" picnic for September. Not sure whether we'd want to publicise, or whether it would just be for our enjoyment. ha ha.

Anyway, that's all the time I have. Another early night since I have a lot of driving to do tomorrow, and I want to have another day where I do not Lose The Plot.

I forgot -- I have managed to start a little breastmilk stash. Very exciting.

Goodnight!

Lost my blogging mojo...

2011-06-19T10:21:00.016+01:00

Since it's Fathers Day, here's a photo of my totally fab Dad :)

Next I better share several cute photos of Isaac, then I might be forgiven for not having spent any time doing this recently...

and the girls of course...

Girls with cousin Ben (eating very healthily as you can see)

I finally figured out I can have both of the girls painting at the same time -- one on either side of the easel. DUUURRR!

This was one of the days Willow wore TWO amber necklaces. Yes, I am very glad all her baby teeth are finally through!

So... having realised I asked Nick for some time to blog last Sunday, and since it didn't happen, I thought I ought to take advantage of the fact that I'm home from church this Sunday (snuffly smalls) and Isaac is in bed and Willow is watching Timmy Time in her nighty.

Elimination Communication.

Well... I've never been 24/7 with this one. Isaac has been using the potty from day 0. He's pretty amazing in that if he's being carried he doesn't wee unless absolutely desperate. We went out for a 3 hour walk and his nappy was still dry when we got in a few weeks back. I think the most important thing for me is that he gets the opportunity to wee/poo as often as possible, not the fact that we catch every wee/poo. We mainly have clean nappies, occasionally there will be a skidmark if he hasn't been offered the potty to poo in recently. I really don't feel the need to be superwoman on this count. I'm never going to catch every wee/poo at this stage, and I have 2 other smalls to look after and entertain. My carpet doesn't really care about the odd accident, but I can do without the extra washing, especially since the washing machine is broken (and has been for the last 3 weeks) I think with EC you really have to think about your motivation and what's important to you. For me, it's keeping the baby as dry as possible as well as them not losing that instinct to eliminate away from themselves... allowing them to get used to being in a wet/dirty nappy is not helpful to anyone. I often think that in many years time when I am old and unable to get myself to the toilet, I would rather someone helped me get to the potty/toilet to do my business rather than leaving me to mess myself. I'd like that my children were able to put that need first rather than leaving me so that they could be busy with their own thing and dealing with it when I've finished. Bleugh.

These are the split crotch trousers I hand sewed for Isaac the other day. It's taken me ages to get round to it because I wanted to use the machine, but it wasn't happening. They are made from the arms of one of Nicks old fleeces, so pretty thick.

Willow is pretty much done. She wee's and poo's on the potty. I don't have to help her, I just try to remind her when we're around other people, as sometimes it's far too exciting to remember. We had a long period over my heavy pregnancy and when Isaac was little where she just wouldn't use the potty AT ALL. Which was fine. We put on nappies (but no wrap) and I tried to remind her as much as possible. The poo was really difficult to predict. It's only been in the last couple of weeks she's been back to managing that by herself. We've had a few pooey pants, but I think considering she's not even 2, and she's pretty much put herself back on 90% boobie juice, she's doing really well. I really cannot complain. I'm thankful to not have 2 children in nappies, because that would be hard work.

Baby Wearing.

Well, Isaac has only seen the inside of a pram once... and that was when I pinched his cousins pram to lie him down in at Grandmas house one time. Willow has been in a pram a couple of times when she's been out with Nanny and Daddy. Lately though she's been fine walking. We take our time and stop whenever they want to rest or explore something.

Tandem breastfeeding.

Much the same as last time. During the day Willow sticks to my right side and Isaac my left (it's easier for me to hold him like that!) At night if he wakes Isaac will use my right, since that's the side he's on... and when Willow comes into bed with us in the morning she will usually have the left since it's "fuller"... then she'll have the right as well...

I've been trying to express and freeze a stash of milk to donate. Not sure who to, but it's good for 6mths in the freezer. If no one wants it we will make soap :) Also been expressing in the evening so I have milk for Eves breakfast. It's her "special milk". She hasn't been sick with the littlies this time, which is great, but I still feel a bit sad she didn't get the chance to self wean and certainly will not re-latch ("it's for babies mummy!")

Lapbooking. My new addiction. But clearly not Eves... so we still haven't finished one... ha! We do have lots of crafts going on, but we don't have the attention span yet to do anything big. And by "We" I mean both of us! We've done a few mini books, and there's a lot of crafting going on. Just not on one topic!

Sourdough creations.

This was great for about a month. Then I decided to put it in the fridge since I didn't want to use it for a week, and the poor thing never recovered. I did make one batch of bread after I took it out again, and it tasted vile. So I kinda lost interest and didn't feed it. I now have the lovely job of disposing of it... on the compost heap I guess... but bleugh!

We did make some pretzels which were fab, and a few of my loaves turned out great. It's not an exact science though, so the recipes are a bit weird... in percentages and stuff, so I'm still figuring it out!!

Home Education... well I've successfully got a group of lovely families together (thankyou facebook, you're good for something!) mostly from Northampton way, but all happy to come over for an activity in Daventry once a fortnight. We've had 3 lovely meet ups, all with at least 3 families (including us) and a wonderful range of different aged children. Eve is enjoying having 2 other girls her age for company as well as playing with the older kids, but for me... I am simply adoring being around other adults who have similar interests and don't think I'm a complete lunatic for doing the things I do. We don't all have the same interests, but I think we all overlap in at least one place other than Home Educating our children. It's wonderful. I feel accepted, not tolerated. And not just virtually. You don't often get that outside of your own family if you're lucky enough to even have that (and I do).

Knitting. I have lots of projects on the go. I'm trying to finish my own multicoloured socks so I can start on a few pairs for the kiddles... I also want to start knitting a Terry Pratchett swamp dragon. There is also little dolls to be knitted for various childrens birthdays as well as a housewarming gift I am still working on. So little time to myself, and I really need to start going to bed earlier.

Another long pause...

2011-05-22T20:36:00.002+01:00

But I've been soooo busy! Taking lots of photos, but don't seem to have time to upload them. Blogging seems to have dropped out of my schedule... even though I seem to have loads of posts I'd like to write, I only get little snatches of time. I'm trying to get the house organised, as well as some activities to keep Eve and Willow amused while we're home. Food seems to be a major theme for me at the moment... I'm enjoying preparing food again, which is lovely!

So things I'm planning on blogging about asap:

EC from birth. How it's going with Isaac and an update on Willows progress

Baby Wearing. Probably just a load of cute photos in all honesty and how we've been carrying the babies

Tandem breastfeeding.

Lapbooking. My new addiction.

Sourdough creations. I'm working on my starter now, so hopefully there will be a lot of lovely sourdough fun going on shortly!

I don't really understand my lack of blogging, since Isaac sleeps like nothing else... he will sleep from 10pm - 7am with only the occasional waking. He is awake for maybe an hour and then will go back to sleep until about 10-11am. Then he comes downstairs and plays with his gym happily... and after an hour or so... back to bed... for another few hours (!!) This is when the girls normally have their naps too... which is nice quiet time! He's normally awake all evening, which is lovely for Nick, and then goes to bed with us around 10.

I'm working on cutting the TV out again, and books are really helping. As well as going for loads of walks.

We've met a few new friends who are going to join us in some Home Education activities in Daventry, which is exciting! At the moment it's a few hours play in a park with the option of ball games and walks... but I hope to extend this to some crafty activities perhaps, and maybe some adventure walks in different areas. Maybe den building... scrumping for fruit when the time comes... tie dying. Anything the smalls want to do really! There's an after school game club at the games shop in town. They do role playing games (RPGs) like dungeons and dragons... and some more suited to younger children. I'm hoping to get Eve involved when she's old enough. I'd also like to go to their adult games evenings with Nick when Isaac is a little older.

Tomorrow we're out at the open farm as a family (my birthday treat!) and hopefully we'll also get to plant some seeds before the good weather wears out! The front and back gardens have been another big project I've been working on.

Things are all go here. I must do more photos next post -- Isaac is getting so big -- perhaps a few across the last few months would be nice :D

Urgh - catching up!

2011-04-16T14:15:00.002+01:00

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. Shocking.

Truth is, I haven't felt much like sitting at the laptop. When I have felt like doing something I've been trying to catch up on the tidying and cleaning, and there's ALWAYS washing to be done with 5 people in the house. Thankfully the sun is out now, so we're using the drier a lot lot less. Then there's the garden to tidy and seeds to plant. I feel a little worn out sometimes. I feel like I'm always trying to keep everyone else happy most of the time, and someone always has a demand to make on my time. Having said that it's pretty easy most of the time, and as long as the girls get their nap I'm surviving and getting time to myself. It's not the new addition that's causing this, it's the change in dynamics in general with the new job and the girls growing up. This would probably still be happening if we were only a 4 person family still. Having a 3rd baby is definitely easier than the first or second. It feels like he's always been here, and definitely no extra strain. Just the normal routine. And more to love... I love my kids.

Nick's been leaving his iPhone home with me since starting his new job, since he has no signal at work and has plenty o other toys to play with... oh, and also my phone is broken. This means it's a heck of a lot easier for me to take photos with his phone, which I nearly always have on me... and then upload to facebook while I'm trapped underneath one or more sleeping/feeding children. So I haven't felt horrible about not uploading them here, because a lot of my friends are on facebook.

We've been part time EC-ing (for some reason I'm liking that term less and less... maybe NIH- natural infant hygiene.... I dunno...) and I've tried a few full days recently... which was a good thing since I later realised I had no clean little nappies! I'd like to write a full post on that... but time!!

I've been tutoring again and I've got 3 students... 2 year 10's and 1 year 11. It's interesting as always. Nice to feel like I'm making a difference somewhere.

I've been looking wistfully at this in the last week or so. I'd love to do it mainly for my own interest and to help my family... but I would also be able to open my own practice and it would be another way to make money. Also I could meet people more like me. We don't have the money at the moment though, so it will have to remain a dream for now. One day in a few years or less I will make it happen though.

I'd like to dread my hair, but Nick is against it. Pretty much the only thing stopping me is having a friend come over to actually do it. I'd use the backcombing method I think. He's decided that since I keep going on about it we'll do some photo shopping and see if I would in fact look totally ridiculous as he suspects. I do personally suspect I am not cool enough... and people will look at me even more like I'm a freak. But I'm past caring.

Oh, and I'm back to feeling isolated and as if I have no friends. I know it's not true. I have LOTS of friends... they all just live so far away... the closest friends I really have are 20min away (you know who you are) and we're really struggling for people to hang out with occasionally in the day. I need to grab the bull by the horns and organise a Daventry HEors meet up on a regular basis. I feel like I don't really have anything in common with most people around me. I am a freak who likes to do odd things like breastfeeding... co sleeping... birthing at home... preparing my own food and trying not to let my family eat junk... ECing... cloth nappying... using herbal remedies. While I might find someone who is into one or two of those things... the rest will be totally out there for them. It's hard when some of your real passions are just pure weirdness to other people. It's hard to try to suggest something to someone and all you see is the look of pure disgust/amusement... oh it's just Hannah being weird again. I want so much to feel like a part of a community. But I don't. I think that's part of the reason I was so keen on the idea of moving, even though I knew it would be a total PITA. Being able to try to find a place for us that met my needs would be amazing. We're not moving btw. We can't afford it. Nick is selling our big car and buying a motorbike. He already has all the gear. I guess at least this will mean I'll have the little Corsa back during the day, which will help a lot. We'll be able to go to the woods for picnics and visit friends.

Moving on...

We went for a walk around the block the other day and met a few new people... mainly due to Willow walking up to them and giving them big cuddles, Eve introducing us all and then them both refusing to move on and striking up a conversation. We met John on the corner, who thought I was probably done having babies "now you have your boy" (No is the answer btw) and Lesley and Pam who live a bit further away just up from the fields. Then we met an old friend Bob, who is the father of one of Nicks friends. Stood and chatted for a loooong time and the HE came up (despite efforts to avoid topic) "oh, well the only thing I worry about is socialisation..." I nearly spluttered avoiding the chuckles... because of course my home educated (sort of) children are locked away under the stairs and never go out to meet people.... clearly!! And as evidenced by our should-have-been-20-min-but-ended-up-being-an-hour trot around the block. Not only did we meet new "friends" and the girls learnt appropriate conversation but we spotted loads of lovely flowers and plants which we're trying to learn the names of (me too!!) Plus we all got our daily burst of vitamin D, which is great!

Anyway. I'm hoping to spend some time uploading some photos here tonight, Just the good ones, but I'll put them in another post I think.

Nick is due to start a 3 week stint of 7 day weeks shortly. The reason being is that the game he's working on is due for release at the end of the month (I think). Honestly it's been tough not seeing him much recently. For me and the girls. They're pretty fed up of me I think. And this is on a 6 day week. The upside is that we've already got 15days (that's 3 weeks!) of holiday amassed... and we've acquired some wonderful camping gear thanks to some friends emigrating to Oz (the only good thing about it) so I've decided we're going camping. It's going to be fun. It is.

I total... I'm feeling a little miserable right now... but generally life is good. We have everything we need and more... physically at least.

Oh, and if the lovely lady who gave us the EC supplies (felted skirt, pad and lanolin) could get in touch that would be FAB... I have some Qs about how to use the solid lanolin, I've only ever used the stuff that thenappylady sells in the white tube, which is white and more liquidy... please :) worthington.hannah AT gmail.com

A Name!

2011-03-13T19:30:00.002Z

I've been meaning to do this for a while, because we decided on a name a few days ago. I just haven't had much time near the laptop. It's been fun trying to adjust to entertaining my active little girls, seeing to a babys needs and trying to make sure I don't do too much, but also get everyone fed, in clean(ish) clothes and the house tidy and clean enough not to be a health hazard.

So anyway... his name is...

Isaac Andrew Worthington

I felt like Andrew should be his name, but for reasons we won't go into we decided it wasn't his first name. I wrote a list of names and Nick chose Isaac from that list. He likes that you can shorten it to Zac... So now he has two nicknames... but mainly I'm trying to call him by his name, because I was still calling Willow "the baby" a couple of weeks before Isaac was born!

We actually had a girls name picked out that we both liked, but clearly we'll have to save it for later!

There is still the option of another middle name, because Nick and his dad both have 2 middle names, and it seems like a nice tradition to continue. I doubt it'll happen though, since I'm due to register the name on Tuesday and we haven't really discussed it any further.

Isaacs Birth

2011-02-27T10:28:00.008Z

Okay, after writing an essay I realise there needs to be short version... so here it is...

Short version:

I woke at 2:30am on Friday morning needing to deal with labour. I started feeling transitional around 6am, actual second stage started around 8:40am and little man was born at 8:51am.

He was almost born in his membranes!

Weight: 3.02kg / 6lb 10.5oz (my heaviest baby yet!)

Long version (for the birth junkies like me):

Hmm... where to begin...

Well I made my due date to be 22nd February 2011... It should have been a little later I guess, but I liked the idea of the baby having the same "date" as me and Eve, since we were both born on the 22nd... but different months... lol.

I felt ready for labour for weeks beforehand. I could feel all the changes working and things getting ready to go. I felt really positive about things happening in their own time... right up until I hit my due date. Ha. It was a Tuesday night, and I felt utterly miserable. Nick took the girlies up to bed (what a man) and I'd normally have a student, but obviously my lessons had been cancelled up until April to give us some space. I realised I was free to go do whatever... so I went out and treated myself to a nice tub of Ben and Jerrys Half Baked. For those of you who don't know me well... this is very unlike me. Both to volunteer to go out on a night, especially shopping, rather than begging Nick to do it... and to really want something like icecream. I do not have a particularly sweet tooth. I do not generally eat for emotional comfort.

Anyway, so I guzzled that, and a kebab too... just to keep Nick company of course... haha. I was even more miserable because I was too sore to walk the 5min across town to the kebab shop from Tescos and ended up driving round to the High Street so I was only a 20sec walk away. Again. Not like me.

Next day... Wednesday... nothing... BUT... when we lay down that night for bed I felt it! The first tightening! I lay awake again for a while because actually I'd had one or two passable feelings in previous nights... but only the one and then nothing more. But they kept coming ! And they felt good! Positive! I was certain that this was the beginning and that by tea time on Thursday night I'd be holding my baby. I told Nick I didn't think he'd be going to work the next day.

The tightenings continued into the morning and got quite strong. I had to get up and deal with them with some relaxing breaths. They were about 3min apart but always very short. I managed to stay in bed and sleep most of the night though, which was great.

Thursday morning came, and my girls greeted us at silly o'clock in the morning. I called my friend Carolyn to let her know thing were moving so she could be around if I needed her.

Carolyn arrived at around 10am (I think). Nick had taken the girls out for a walk and some time at nannies house so we had the house to ourselves. Suddenly everything stopped. Just like that. We went out for a walk... the sun was shining for a change. Nothing. I put a film on to watch and we did some knitting and chattering. I went and hid upstairs for a while and cried. I felt like more than anything else I'd wasted one of Nicks holiday days. Precious days.

I had a little nap and felt a little better. I knew things were moving because I'd had pinky/bloody mucous and that has always been the sign of the start of labour for me. I just had to wait for things to start up again. Patience. Yes. Clearly my best quality.

The tightenings were weak and irregular the rest of the night. I think I had a bath and made like a hippo on my tummy trying to make sure the baby was well positioned (I had a feeling he was posterior) to see if getting him into a "better" position would help move things on.

Around 2:30am on Friday morning everything kicked back into gear. Good strong regular tightenings. I actually had to sit up in bed to deal with them. I listened to Nicks steady breathing as he slept and it felt relaxing. I felt good. At some point I needed to stand up to breath through the tightenings... I made deep breaths and let them flow through me. There was still a lot of pressure on my public bones and bladder. The sensations would start in my backbone, come through between my legs to my public bones, intensify and then tail off. I came downstairs so I could walk around a bit. Things were really going. I felt amazing. Like a birthing goddess. The tightenings made me feel strong and powerful (that's what I was telling myself, and it worked) I reminded myself that angels would be attending us.

At about 5am I decided I needed to be in the water. I really wished I'd had a birth pool. But I didn't. I hadn't really wanted to wake anyone since I was fine by myself and at least if I was going to be completely exhausted everyone else could have a clear head. At this point I knew it wouldn't be long before the girls were awake anyway, so I went up and made a nice warm bath for myself with Lavender and Rosemary essential oils. mmmmmm!

I started making a little more noise as the tightenings got more intense. Eventually the little ladies trotted in to see what was going on. All smiles. Eve of course jumped on the toilet and left me with a lovely smell. I called for Nick and he managed to drag himself out of bed eventually to retrieve small children who wished to join me in my heavenly bath.

Nick asked if I wanted to call Carolyn. Honestly I wasn't sure. I was doing great by myself, and it had always been my plan to do this alone if I could. I wasn't sure what had stopped things last time, and although I was sure it wasn't Carolyn herself, I didn't want to risk everything stopping again. Not when I was so close!!

The tightenings changed again. The noises I made were different. I knew I was nearly dilated. I felt like I might want to push. But it didn't feel productive to do so.

I can't remember what changed my mind, but Nick asked and he told him to get Carolyn to come. By the time she arrived the pushing feeling was serious. I needed help to deal with them. I must have been 6am by the time she arrived (?) I had been on all fours so far, the way I did with Willow at this stage, but it wasn't working. I stood up in the bath and pushed against the wall while Carolyn rubbed my back for a while. I didn't know what I wanted. Eventually we worked out that me leaning over her in a cuddle was something that worked. Inbetween some of the tightenings we could joke and try to laugh. I think I started to feel more and more miserable about it all though at this point.

I was exhausted. Things didn't feel like they were moving on, and I wanted to sleep. In retrospect this was a really really really long transition period. Carolyn helped me move from the bath so I could lean over my bed and pillows and hopefully feel more relaxed. I didn't know what I wanted. It felt really good. I guess the waddle from the bathroom to the bedroom helped. Carolyn set up a bunch of dark towels that I pointed out, and grabbed all our pillows for me to prop up on. I know I had a few more tightenings here...

But that's where it all goes a little fuzzy in terms of details and such for me.

At some point I felt a pop, as if baby had finally gotten past my cervix and into my vagina. yay! Small amount of relief and excitement. Then I saw blood dripping out of me and I totally panicked. I've never experienced dripping blood from myself like that. I never got that far with Eve and I was in the water with Willow, so it all just flowed together... but the sound and the sight of it freaked me out. I was sure there was something wrong and this baby was stuck... phone calls were made to the hospital and I spoke to a particularly unhelpful midwife who asked me how far apart the contractions were (???I have no idea!!???) and told me they would see me when I got in and then hung up on me in my terror (hello -- dripping blood!!) I screamed for someone to call an ambulance. NOW. So they did. Carolyn tells me that at this point she'd worked out what was going on, but clearly my decisions were to be honoured (despite the fact that I was acting like a completely loony)

It all blurs into one, but then the backwards vomitting sensations started, and due to already being in a state of utter panic -- bloood!! -- I didn't recognise what they were... baby making a swift exit/extrance (maybe he'd heard the plan to go into the hospital!) I think it was probably 2 or 3 very strong pushes, completely involuntary and he was at my perenium. At this point I'd realised what was happening I think...This was even with my butt in the air and my head on the floor thinking AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH (yeah, I was probably screaming it too judging by how sore my throat is right now!)

Carolyn, again the saviour of my lady-bits, reminded me to pant and take this bit easy. SOOOOOOO DIFFICULT. I felt his head, I tried to stop myself doing it... and obviously eventually failed (but that's okay lol) His head popped out. And strangely enough stayed there... next little push and he was out. Willow popped out all in one go, so that was interesting for me :)

Control freak that I am, I turned and grabbed him, despite Carolyn trying to clear his face and move his cord as per instruction from the dude on the phone (remember we had called the ambulance!) I knew as soon as I saw him I needed to hold him. I saw TESTICLES AND A PENIS -- WOOOOOOO -- and a little ear sticking out from his head at a right angle (apparently I commented, and this may have been the very first thing he heard me say earthside :s)-- and very short time later the paramedics tromped up the stairs. GAH!

He had cried a good cry, he was pinking up, I had him skin to skin. I can't remember what we were doing but I was squatting talking to Carolyn and one of the paramedic ladies, and plop! "There it goes" I said. "There what goes??!!" said the paramedic... "the placenta" said I. looks of shock.

Then the trouble really started for them. hee hee. I was helped to the edge of the bed. stripped off my bloodcovered nightie... cuddled the babe in to try for some milk. Nick brought up a bowl to put the placenta in... or did we wrap it in a towel? It was a shortish cord, so a bit of a pain. Baby got covered with a blanket fairly early on, but I was cooking, so stripped off completely. Lead paramedic wanted to take baby off me and rub him down on the bed next to me.... NOOOoooooOOOOooo!!! was the reply... but but but.... NO. He's my baby and he's fine. Carolyn diplomatically explaining that the baby had had his airways cleared, there was no mec, and that he was pinking up nicely. but but but.... NO. Next she wanted to get the cord cut and clamped. NOOOOOoooooOOOOooo!!! We're not doing that!! but... but... but... so in a desperate attempt to do something useful they took the babys temperature.

Poor deflated lead paramedic went to sit on the stairs aparently while her partner sat and chatted with us. They decided a hat was necessary. Urgh. Sent someone to find one. Midwife arrived. 3 professionals, Nick, Carolyn, me and the baby all in my tiny bedroom (aka warehouse) and then a second midwife. LOL.

At this point I should say that they were all TOTALLY fantastic. Wonderful and lovely. Had there been anything ACTUALLY wrong with us we would have been in the best hands possible. But we weren't in any kind of medical need. And that clearly threw them off a little.

The lead midwife obviously had to give me the little talk about birthing purposefully at home without "help" and how silly I'd been (yes, you silly 29 year old child, you couldn't possibly make good choices for yourself!!) but apart from that I have no issues. She was totally desperate to find something wrong with me though... but could only find a teeny tiny tear fairly high up in my vagina... which apparently was going to sting A LOT... but hasn't at all. in fact, I feel better than when I had a minor graze when Willow was born.

Oh. I do have a confession to make for all my birth junky friends. I didn't wear the beads when I was in labour "proper". I'd worn them the day before and they'd started irritating me (this is why I don't wear a wedding ring, or jewelry of any kind for every day), including my necklace, so I took them all off... they never got put back on. I did however think about all the affirmations you sent me. Especially through the night. Maybe I wouldn't have panicked or felt quite so hopeless during transition if I'd remembered to put them back on. I am looking forward to using them as necklaces individually, or maybe I'll put them all on a leather strip and wear them properly as a bracelet for special ocassions. They are all ever so special to me and I love to look at them and remember each of you.

I don't have any photos of the birth or afterwards because things were just so hectic. I'm a bit upset about that, but I guess that's just the way it is!

Welcome little man

2011-02-26T19:30:00.004Z

Just a quickie to let you know that our son (!!) was born yesterday morning.

We're all pretty tired after all the excitement and just trying to function normally. I laboured during the night so I'm still very much catching up on sleep when I can.

Birth story as soon as I can. It's all very dramatic... haha!

We haven't got many good photos yet, but will upload what I can as and when.

He's a bit of a squealer, but he's doing great and the girls adore him :)

Eve has given him the nickname Roo... and that's all we have for now!

WIP Wednesday

2011-02-16T10:00:00.005Z

SO! What's in the basket, I hear you say...

Well... that's what you're just about to find out!

I love this basket! I borrowed it off my mum in summer so that we could pick wild fruit while we were out on walks, but it turns out it makes a great knitting basket too. It's portable and holds everything I need. I might need another basket come summer so I don't have do multipurpose it...

Here are the current contents of the basket (most of them... there's some junk at the bottom I didn't want to deal with!)

The blue tesco bag has some of my FOs which are waiting for ribbon, buttons, ends to be weaved in, or they're just been kept safe from being mixed in with everything else...

There's some patterns I'm working with, or planning on working with briefly.

The soakers that are waiting to be lanolised... no point putting them away until they're done!

Lip balm, and Kamilosan (of course!)

My tin with all my sewing needles, bits of yarn that I need to sew on buttons, smooth sock yarn that I've kept handy for markers or to make life-lines.

Several balls of yarn I got out earlier to choose what to make some booties from...

WIPs...

Tape measure, scissors, pen, and needle gauge. (if anyone has a pattern/idea/link for a notions bag please let me know! I'd like to be able to fit at least my scissors in the tin, but it's *just* too small unfortunately!)

And now, the works in progress... I felt like I had more... but still...

This is the super cool two at a time toe up socks in cartoon sock yarn. Totally in love with this project!

Some Sarjites booties I'm working on for a friends little boy.

The socks I've been saving for if I fancy knitting in labour... it's a dull pattern repeat for the ankle...

The little mittens I showed you earlier in the week...

There's also the vest that I'm doing for Eve...

And that's it for now. Unless I started another project since Sunday night and forgot to update this post before it was scheduled to be posted... hee hee!

5 in the bed ??

2011-02-14T19:48:00.002Z

So should I change the name of the blog... ?

Eve doesn't sleep with us often anymore... Willow spends most of the night in her own bed now on the bottom (yes, I know I've neglected to mention this... just haven't got around to it)

So most of the time there's only going to be 3 of us in the bed... possibly just two... some nights I might even sleep on the sofa with the baby, and Nick will be alone in our "family bed"

Unfortunately our co-sleeper (aka cotbed with side taken off) is out of action and we can't afford a new one right now (and I honestly haven't been out to look in the charity shops just yet) So it's going to be difficult to have more than one "extra" in the bed.... especially now we've got the bed back up on it's legs... we're trying to sell the house remember...

I like the number 4... it's cool. 5 isn't as funky. Am I being weird?

So back to the original question... Would you change the name or stay with it? Answers on the back of a postcard please :D

A little bit of everything

2011-02-13T19:15:00.006Z

I couldn't really think of a decent title for this blog post.

I've just realised it's been nearly a fortnight since I've posted anything. That's really very unusual I think, for me at least... Anyway, it's because I've been really busy with other things... playing with the girls, baking, tidying and cleaning and also because my hips/pelvis is pretty sore, so sitting at the dining room table isn't actually very comfortable, so I tend to sit in the living room and knit (when I'm not chatting to friends online anyway) I'm just really distracted and I'm getting my "fix" elsewhere I guess.

I've got loads of projects on the needles... I think because a few of the things I've started recently are fairly long-winded projects involving lots of repetition, it helps me to be able to at least switch between a few different things after a few rows of each. I think if I only ran one project at a time I'd get bored and forget to come b ack to it, then it'd never get done!

I started my Stroll hand painted "cartoons" sock yarn today. I'm using it to make some toe up socks two at a time on circular needles, which is a first for me! I was given a few really useful links for casting on which actually made me realise I've been doing the magic cast on (which I've been using for the single socks) slightly wrong... or not as "magically" as it could be at least, because I've been using a slip knot, and apparently there's no need!

magic cast on for 2 socks at a time toe up

Cat Bordhi demonstrates Judi Beckers magic cast on (You Tube video)

(photos to follow, the socks are going to be soooo coooooool!!)

So a few photos....

This is the pendant/bead I bought for myself. It's a rounded belly and breasts... I point that out because Nick thought it was a hippo when he saw the photo online, and when it arrived Eve thought it was a whale... and the belly button was a blowhole I guess. My friend calls it a Goddess pendant. Which I really like. So this is my Goddess pendant :)

Here we are the other day. I managed to smile for the camera, aren't you impressed? A bit pointier in the belly.... I think because the bambino has decided to turn OP (back to back) for now.

This is the newborn soaker I finished the other day... I'm not sure if it had buttons when I posted? Anyway, it does now. I haven't been able to get out for special orange buttons (mores the pity) since my hips are too sore to walk to town with both girls, and I haven't had the car. These are retro buttons recycled from my mother-in-laws stash.

This is the detailing on the back. It really is gorgeous. I've also finished one in the small size in a "marine heather" which is turquoisey, but seems to be more two-tonal, and it's lovely. I just need to lanolise them now!

This is one of the longer projects I've started on... it's going to be a sleeveless cardigan for Eve. I hope. The yarn is incredibly chunky (8wpi) and I'm using the pattern for a 1 year old. Sort of. Basically I'm winging it. There's a lot of knitting across the row or mainly purling... and it's dull. Plus I always have at the back of my mind that it's going to be too big and I'm going to end up frogging it and starting again.

But the yarn is lovely. It's something that was on sale in Hobbycraft at half price and I bought a load for a decent size project when I was up to it. soft and snuggly and she has said she likes it. Soooo who knows if she'll actually wear it when I'm finally done!!

A tiny little mitten that I was hoping would be big enough for Willow, but will have to do for my niece-in-utero... I'm about 3/4 of the way through the second... and I'll do a second set in a larger size for Willow. This is made out of some old cotton yarn mother-in-law again donated.

And proof that I am meeting some of my goals for the year! We've been doing really well with family home evening... I think we've been going for 3 or 4 weeks now... this week we talked about family and a little about sealings and temple stuff. We put our family connections on the board, and Eve even wrote out some of the names (it would have taken too long to let her do all of them unfortunately)

She really loves it!! We sing a proper hymn/song at the beginning and then we let her choose nursery/childrens songs at the end. Willow sometimes joins in, but most of the time runs around like a lunatic or creates havoc. But Eve will always ask about it. I think the reason why we've been sucessful so far is that myself and Nick have had a short discussion about what we're going to base the "lesson" around, and had some ideas together... then we've both been involved in making it happen. Before it has very much felt like it was my thing and I had to drag everyone through it (kicking and complaining mostly) Nick's really stepping up to this sort of thing now, which is good to see.

I think we'll do this weeks "lesson" on love and make some valentine days cards. I have a few people in mind for Eve to send them to :)

I've got some little planning tools and fuzzy felt props in the works, but they're not quite ready yet, and I need supplies to get them done. GAH!

We had some henna left over from the blessingway the other night, so while my little sister was here I used the leftovers to graffiti her hand. I'm not particularly talented :s

My belly! This was the morning after the blessingway I believe. It's been 2 weeks now, and all you can really see is the trunk of the tree. I was lovely while it lasted though :)

So I'm making a plan to clear out my knitting basket and take photos of all my works-in-progress for a WIP Wednesday.... that's the plan. Then you can see how crazy I really am at the moment :D

WIP Wednesday...

2011-01-26T23:05:00.006Z

HA HA!

SO I can't sleep again... despite having had no nap, and very little sleep over the last few days... but hey! That's what pregnancy is about right... pushing your body to its limit to grow a new life. It's kind of fun to see how little sleep I can survive on and still be fun and kind to my kids. I actually have been better the last few days when I haven't napped, and I've been conciously working to make sure I'm spending quality time with them reading, singing playing... I might not get the chance in a few days/weeks... I'll have someone else to be looking after too.

I really really wanted to post about some of the baby knits I've started on since last Thursday, because I am SOOOOO excited about them. I ordered the yarn from knit picks which is an American company, but thanks to one of my friends who has an APO address over here, and since I spent over $50, I got free shipping. Hardly environmentally friendly I know, but it's a big treat, and I got exactly what I wanted, which wasn't happening with any of the stores over here, which seem to stock a lot of speciality yarn/wool, but no real range of colours or textures.

This is the owlie sleep sack. I love the owls on the cuff... and the photo doesn't do the yarn justice. It's called Merlot Heather, and it's multitonal. I'll have to get some photos in the daylight. There's a matching hat, and all the photos I've seen of this completed project are just the sweetest.

This is a vintage pattern nappy soaker. It's a really sleek design, very easy. Just one problem. The pattern comes out as an XL. As in, I think this would be too big for Willow the way it is written, and she's 18mths. So I've frogged it (BAH!!) and I've started again on a newborn-ish size which I hope will work out. I might try a larger one at some point if I have enough yarn.

This is a little seedling soaker. The pattern on the waistband and the crotch is a seed stitch, which is where the name comes from. I still need to do the ribbing on the legs, and for some reason I'm having a bit of brain freeze on how to pick up stitches... It closes a lot like a disposible nappy, and it can have buttons (I put the buttonholes in) or you can fix it with velcro (which I don't think looks as nice, but is probably very functional)

Here's the spatula I melted in the frying pan the other day when the Asda man arrived with our shopping... I've had it since I went to uni in 1999, so it was a relic... and probably due for replacement anyway... bah.

So yeah... keeping pretty busy... hoping every time I clean the bathroom will be the last time before the baby arrives... it would of course help if Eve would stop playing with the soap block and spreading it all around the units... and leaving bits of tissue paper on the floor... but hey. That's what children do.

I've got another few projects planned, but for now I'm concentrating on what I've got on the needles... on the other hand, it might be easier to cast on now while I don't have as many demands or distractions. Hmmm...

I'm planning to be super organised and have all my birthing stuff ready in boxes/bags. One to be grabbed for the hospital/post birth and one for labour. I know a lot of homebirthers who think it's bad luck to pack a hospital bag, but for several reasons I want to have one... mainly because I know I will be utterly miserable if we do end up there, and I'll need to have a few things to keep me going. Also because if we end up there SOMEONE is going to be staying with me the whole time because I am not being left at the mercy of nurses/midwives who think it's amusing to move buzzers out of the way of incapacitated patients so they can't ring for help.

The labour box is mainly because Nick doesn't know where stuff is, and I could do without the faffage... and if someone else is keeping me company (highly likely) they won't know where it is either. On the other hand, if I'm alone (also a possibility) It will be nice to have everything in one place instead of traipsing roudn the house looking for it all.

I've got some friends coming over on Saturday for a Mothers Blessing... I am SO looking forward to it. We're going to do a henna belly tattoo, and a red thread ceremony and they're going to bring me beads for my birth necklace (I also have some in the post from friends who are too far away to make it here in real life) I'm really excited to do some real preparation mentally for this birth and get myself zoned in to where I need to be.

Baby is doing good. Mover and a groover, especially this time of night, which is probably why I struggle to sleep. Feels like cartwheels some nights!!

A little update

2011-01-20T21:05:00.005Z

Too cute not to post...

I don't seem to get much time for this what with the 2 groups I'm meant to be moderating on FB (Eats on Feets UK and Birth Mate UK... in reality, I've made some great contacts and I spend too much time chatting and not enough time working on the pages... eeek!) plus the knitting, and the sewing.

Oh, and then there's the small matter of making sure everyone is fed, watered, exercised, well rested and content... and maintaing a little order and cleanliness in the house... and painting various things that need to be done before we can put it on the market to sell.... and decluttering... and packing things away... the list just goes on!!

My most important job at the moment of course is preparing for this babys birth. That's going pretty well. I have some fab friends to help me, and I feel pretty confident and not at all worried about all of that. I do need to make more time for it now though.

This is me today, at more than 32 weeks and less than 40...

A cute one of Willow in the "new" hat and dress given to us by a friend who runs a "new to you" clothes company (definitely worth checking out if you live in the UK!)

The Mei Tai I've been working on for my sister who is pregnant and a few weeks behind me. Apologies for the miserable face... it had been a long night and I'd just discovered I'd messed up the tension after thinking I'd finished. And today I realised the top straps are misplaced, so I'll have to reposition those too. But it will be done!

I picked up my Knit Picks order today from my friend who has an American address over here...

I'm so looking forward to getting some of these projects done... but I don't have much time left... It was meant to arrive before Christmas, but it got lost in the post, and I ended up reordering a few weeks ago. I've already cast on for Nicks hat... but my fingers are itching to start on some nappy soakers... and the sock yarn... mmmm....

That's about all I have time for, so until next time... and who knows when that will be!!

Hats and Beads...

2011-01-13T20:59:00.007Z

With a few baby thoughts thrown in for good measure...

First, here is a photo of me last night...

I think this top makes me look smaller, as black always does. I've been getting a lot of "aren't you small" comments from people who know how many weeks I'm gestating at. People who don't know, just think I'm a lot earlier on than I actually am. Here's a link to a photo of me carrying Willow the morning of her birth. I'm not actually that much bigger, and if anything I'm just a different shape.

Eve wearing the dress she chose for Nanny to buy for Christmas (the one "Aunty Lauren HATES" as Eve was telling me MONTHS before the day... it took me ages to get her to wear it, but I think it really suits her!! It will make a lovely summer dress, and it's still a little large, so it'll still fit!!

The three preemie size hats I've knitted for Lisa's stars. It's a charity which collects tiny hats and shrouds for babys born sleeping.

I've never had a miscarriage, or birthed a sleeping angel... Part of me hopes I never will. I hope that these little hats will provide some comfort for the parents of those little ones.

The pattern I'm using I found for free on Ravelry... it comes in 6 sizes and is called Teeny Tiny Preemie Hats. There's a couple of other patterns I have in mind to use for the DK yarn I have to use up, but this is a nice one for the fingering yarn.

It's a project I've had in mind since before Christmas. It's particularly pertinent to me now upon hearing that two of my friends across the ocean have gone through this loss recently. I'm thinking of them and their babies when I knit them, and how small these hats are. How precious life is.

The yarn I'm using is some leftover bamboo sock yarn, which is so soft and lovely. I made a mistake with my first hat, which is why it looks a little pointy, but I think it's still okay. I'm going to use up all my odd balls on this project and send them all off together when I have around 10. I have been knitting in church since I now have my hands free during meetings... Eve is in Primary, and Willow has very happily joined Nursery. I've had a few looks... you know the kind... like... how dare you knit in church, you should be listening! While I'm pretty sure I could just point out that actually I manage to pay attention better when my hands are busy... I think that just telling people what my project is might be enough to shut them up. We'll not dwell on some of the wastes-of-time I've seen others engaged in during meetings/lessons. No, we won't.

Finally, I have a lovely birth bead to show you! My first!

My dear friend Amy, who was such a support through my last pregnancy sent me this via etsy, and it just arrived yesterday....

The affirmation she wants me to remember with this bead is "Don't push the river, it flows by itself". Which the bead really will remind me of, since it's sort of got a river bed with water running over it. It's perfect! Honestly, the photo here doesn't do it justice, and I think Amy might string me up if I go looking for it on etsy... lol.

Nicks job is going really well, he's got his second contract... he's working at the top of the leaderboard for the number of bugs found (literally he has the most). So things are good there. The best of it is that he's decided I can keep his iPhone during the day, which is really helping when I need to distract one of the girls on the odd occasion, or when I'm trapped under sleeping bodies and I can't reach my knitting. The cost of him driving there and back every day is something I hadn't considered fully, especially with the cost of fuel rising... it really is getting a little ridiculous! So it will be a relief in some ways to be able to find a house closer to his work. I am still struggling with the idea of leaving this house though. It's a constant, and a known quantity to me and part of me needs to be able to control something in my life. It's far from perfect, but we've worked to get it the way we need it to be to raise our children comfortably, and that's something I'm going to miss. I'm also going to miss the garden.

I can tell I'm nearing birth, because Nick is starting to sleep more lightly. Seriously! He did it last time too!! Normally he's dead to the world, but the last few nights he's been waking when I go to the loo... hee hee... apparently though (he's just telling me) I haven't been particularly quiet about it... but then normally a marching band wouldn't wake him...

So... I'm sorry for the lack of postings here... perhaps that will pick up... perhaps not! I am definately a lot lot more tired this time... and I think it's from having 2 energetic little ones to play with as well as the joys of gestation :D

Love from us to you xx

The old year and the new...

2010-12-28T19:27:00.003Z

I've done a lot in 2010...

I've run an allotment... although not to it's full potential.

I've driven my second car, a VW passat estate, and now back to the first (my lovely 3 door corsa!)

I've continued to cut out chemicals from my hygiene routine. We very rarely now use any shampoo, conditioner, shower gel or bubble bath... or even deodorant if you can believe that! I still have a shower most days, it's my alone time to pull myself together before the day really begins in earnest. I am doing better about keeping it short, but it's something I still need right now.

I've knit my first and second pairs of socks :) Now an addiction!

I've been taught how to tie dye... soon to become another addiction no doubt!

I've carried Willow everywhere, apart from the last 2 months, where we haven't really been out much through sickness.

I've become pregnant for the third time, and had the roughest pregnancy so far. I think that's part of the reason I haven't written much about it. A baby is a blessing and a joyful thing, but I haven't felt particularly joyful... and I will not complain about a blessing that so many seek and do not find.

I've become the mother of a three year old... and all that entails.

We've made the move from steady, well paid, boring, mind-numbing career to an unsure path into the unknown. I've been learning to trust Nick in his career, the way he trusts me in mine. I think we consult each other in each fairly equally. I'm not sure if I would have listened to any negativity about my choices the way he was prepared to listen to mine about his... lol.

Things I'd like to do in 2011 include...

Giving birth without fear or pain.

Knitting a hat and kick bag for baby number 3 (let's start small, then there's no high expectation!)

Making a night dress for Eve (no matter how simple)

Finishing the super-cool mei tai (this HAS to be done before baby arrives!!)

Sewing a mei tai for Danii and a few other friends (this can possibly wait until after baby is born)

Knitting Nicks space invader hat (this is priority!)

Remembering how to be a fun mummy and not feeling so stressed over my kids occasional mood swings. Being able to do more activities and visit more friends.

Have a super cool birthday party for Eve and make her feel like she's the most important kid in the world. It's tough having a sibling born in the same month as you, especially if they're younger and they get their birthday in there first (not that I have issues) it's also hard if you have a sister giving birth within a month of you, but we won't go into that...

Selling this house and moving without any major hitches.

Visiting the Temple at least twice and doing at least one session each time.

Finding a time to read my scriptures every day.

Getting organised and having a meaningful Family Home Evening every week.

Getting family prayer into our routine properly. No, blessing food does not count.

Learning how to get rid of all the "stuff", "things", "junk" in my house that I don't really need, and we probably won't use. Not feeling remorse when I got rid of something that I actually would have used (I still get upset over that food processor)

Eating more vegetarian meals, meeting all our nutritional needs, and having everyone enjoy them!

Wasting less... less food, less money, less time.

Finding another couple of students so we can keep our heads above water.

I'm sure there's more, but that's what's on the top of my head!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T19:08:00.003Z

Well, I haven't managed to upload any pictures here like I hoped I would. Sorry!

I've been having a tough week (again!), since just as we thought the girls were getting better they've both developed some sort of viral rash. I suspect it is very mild measles, since a friend of mines kids have the same, and we were over there just before it arrived. Eve is coughing again, and Willow still has a bit of a rash on her cheeks, but otherwise they're fine. I think Eve is feeling a lot better now since she's been running around the living room in circles on numerous occasions... she needs to run some energy off.

We've had a furry little visitor this week... a rat seems to have found its way to my chickens run and is stealing food. I've closed the run up so it can't get in. I felt a bit mean, it's freezing outside, and everythings gotta eat... but they are pests, and I won't be feeling guilty if he brings over the family, or if the hens get attacked or whatever. I think he's coming over from the neighbours, so I'm considering how to break that news sometime after Christmas...

Now... Christmas... Hmmm...

I'm tidying and cleaning up for Christmas day because we have the honour of hosting Christmas with my parents and littlest sister C this year. I wish we hadn't been so poorly, because I really havent put as much thought and effort into it as I would have liked. Didn't even remember the pigs in blankets!!

I'm really looking forward to the special treat we have ordered in... a free range (organic?) turkey... Nick picked him up this morning, and it looks amazing!!

Anyway, much to do and so little time or energy!!

(ps. lemon juice in water is a great remedy for heartburn. Truely!)

Crazy days!

2010-12-17T10:05:00.003Z

I keep wanting to come on here and write a great post. One that everyone will read and be able to get something from. One where I'll get a few comments that make me feel good and think about things in perhaps a different way. It's not happening.

Life is just hard right now. I'm really really bus just keeping up with the basics.

Nick has just taken what is probably his first sick day in the whole of 2010. Seriously. The rubbish thing about it is that now he's at his new job and he's a temp, he won't get paid for it. We might try to sub it for one of his "holiday" days.

Weirder still than that, I finished soothing Willow to sleep this morning... she was gone by 9am, having been up really early... and Eve decided to take herself to bed. She watched me fold the washing that had aired in her bedroom, and was playing on the top bunk. When I just went upstairs to check she wasn't bugging her Dad, she was all snuggled up in bed fast asleep. VERY VERY VERY strange.

So I've cleared the living room so I can hoover when Will wakes up, and I've done the washing up, tidied and cleaned the kitchen a little and then sat down for a little quiet time myself.

Last weekend I was feeling excited about Christmas. Now I'm feeling hassled about it all again.

The snow is coming down thick right now, and it's settling. Little fast flakes. beautiful.

I keep thinking about how cold the chickens must be... Must take them some extra straw out.

And now Willow is awakened and my crazy time begins again... hopefully slightly less demanding ad grumpy now she's had a nap. Who knows!!

Photos next time!

Busy busy...

2010-11-30T21:57:00.002Z

I keep remembering that I haven't posted for a while... then life takes over again.

It's been a really tough month. I feel like one of us has been sick or under the weather for at least this long... and it's getting better, but I think it's going to be a while before we're out and about again. Eve got "the lurgey" last week (as described by our GP) she'd had a night of wheezing, coughing and a high temperature that really worried me, but i tried to remember that the temperature was her bodys way of fighting off the infection.

I can't say I didn't cave and offer her calpol. I did. She wouldn't take it! She came to bed with us, and the next day the temperature was gone and I was exhausted from her waking me up in nightmares or just generally screaming in her sleep... I got quite cross at one point, I find it quite difficult to get back to sleep once I'm awake.

What really got me the next day was when the whites of her eyes turned red. Yes, the superficial things scared me I'm ashamed to say. I was worried that it might affect her eyesight, so we popped into see our GP. He saw us immediately as I'd called him for advice directly, which was extremely kind of him. I guess that I'm known as a "difficult" patient since I almost refused to take Willow in for her 2day checkup (completely unnecessary if you ask me) and also they know I don't take my kids in willy-nilly for daft things.

He checked her chest, ears, throat and eyes... didn't even seem vaguely concerned about her eyes... lol. Told us to keep her dosed up with paracetamol and ibruprofen (ha) and gave us some eye drops (which we didn't use since I figured there was no infection) THEN he gave both girls a lollypop for being so good. Or words to that effect. I bit my lip and got out of there asap. I may write a nice letter suggesting he invest in some stickers or something similar and perhaps try to attach some information on how sugar can feed infection etc. I'm pretty sure they'll just chalk it up to me being "alternative" or whatever.

This is the first time Eve has really been ill since weaning. It was so hard. She has never been so sick. I have never felt so helpless. Even when she had chickenpox, that was nothing compared to this.

Crafting is going well, finishing lots of projects. Managing to keep track of everything very nicely on ravelry, so much easier now I've got Nicks iphone during the daytime.

Looking forward to having my parents and little sister here for Christmas lunch and feeling a little excited about planning it all.

Think I'll leave it there as it's just gone bedtime and I'll be needing the sleep... I'll be needing all my energy to persuade Eve to leave the house for a short walk tomorrow. Seriously hard work at the moment. She's so intense.

Pregnancy Thoughts...

2010-11-08T14:06:00.003Z

I've been meaning to post about this pregnancy for a while... life is going on and it's passing so quickly!

This pregnancy has definately been the hardest of the three so far. I'm utterly exhausted, and I only stopped feeling nauseaous a few weeks ago... although that could be down to poor management on my part to be fair. Also I didn't feel any definate movement this time until about 20 weeks, which shocked me a little since I felt Eve move around 9 weeks, and Willow at about 10.

Based on where I started to feel movement (down near my CS scar and round the sides) I'm pretty sure my placenta is attached on the wall nearest my belly button, and so there's been a lot of padding. It generally moves up during gestation, which would explain why I'm getting lots of movement low down and on the sides and anything towards the mid/top of my belly is quite muted.

I've had a two unusual pee test results (for me that is), a week or so ago my pH was a little high and I had some bladder pain, which I assumed was a UTI in the making... lots of water and cranberry juice drinking later... it's gone and I feel better. I thnk the other was a high-ish glucose result, but I'd probably had something sugary to eat, and it was fine later on...

I know my blood pressure has been high once or twice (unsurprisingly) I can actually feel it. I feel shaky and wound up, even when there's nothing to be wound up about.

I haven't heard little ones heartbeat yet, but mum thinks she has. I've just had no time where I've been in the quiet with nothing I'd rather do. I wasn't very good at it last time I tried so maybe I've been put off a little.

Belly has been getting larger. My fundus is getting higher. I haven't actually measured it with a tape, because I still think it's a bit of an inaccurate thing to do anyway. I seem to just be carrying the majority of this baby inside me rather than on the outside. I'm fine with that, I'm good with not being overburdened right now, I have 2 smalls and a husband to try and look after! Also I have my fathers knack of blending into the background it seems, and again, I'm fine with that. I don't need to be the centre of attention, well, ever really (except with Nick)

I'm not worried that we haven't had a scan. I'm not worried that I'm not getting "proper" midwifery care. I'm more than capable of watching over a "normal" pregnancy. There's nothing they can do that I can't already do myself as long as things progress "normally"... I can even scare the wits out of myself about things perhaps not going as well as last time, if I so desire. I really don't need help, or interference in this right now.

My thoughts right now are that what will be, will be. There is a plan. All I can do is prepare myself for every eventuality and keep my thoughts open to any changes that might happen.

If there's anything I am worried about, it's how the "authorities" might react after the fact. There's not a lot I can do about that though, I am well within my rights here, I'm not doing anything wrong, and they will simply have to accept that fact.

I'll try to post belly pictures next time I am online... for now I want to spend the rest of the girls nap knitting.... because that stocking isn't going to finish itself!

How to make dead fly pie

2010-10-24T06:20:00.008+01:00

... because it seems some of my family needs a tutorial!

So first I start out by making some rough puff pastry. This is the recipe in my book...

Instead of rubbing the flour, butter and lard together with my fingers (I have hot hands most of the time) I cut into it, chopping the bits into smaller and smaller pieces. I do sometimes finish off by rubbing, simply because it's faster.

Once the pieces are teeny tiny, you add the water, and slightly knead and roll out the pastry. It needs to be a couple of cm thick. Then chuck a rectangle onto your baking tray. Cover with the dead flies you've been collecting over the course of the week. If flies are difficult to come by (it is nearly winter after all) then you can use raisins. We normally just use the "value" raisins for this sort of thing... but these are some crazy fat raisins that were substituted in one of my recent internet shops.

Put the second layer of pastry on top, and push it down, especially round the sides. I think my mum uses a coating of milk to help it all stick. I often forget or can't be bothered. Chop into the top layer, not all the way, diagonally so you can just see some of the "dead flies".

Cook as the pastry needs.

Leave to cool completely, then make a really thin icing glaze. (a mug full of icing sugar, then add just under a cup of water, mix until smooooooth) Pour over the top and let it set.

Chop it up into rectangles or whatever you like, and ENJOY!

My mum laughs when I make this, because this is a treat my grandma used to make with the leftover bits from making proper big pies for the whole family... I make pastry especially for this, and then use the leftovers to make jam tarts... hahahaha.

FOs and WIPs

2010-10-23T20:26:00.006+01:00

I keep forgetting to post about my knitting projects (in case anyone is interested!

Sooo... I just went through my WIP bag and pulled everything out and took some photos... it all needed a bit of a sort through and tidy anyway... you'll have to excuse the state of my carpet in the background...

This is my first pair of "proper" socks... with sock yarn from Lidl. It's 75% wool and I think the other 25% is nylon... anyway, I love the pattern. It's called "Basket Rib Socks for Women" and it is a free pattern that can be downloaded as a pdf from Ravelry.

As you can see I'm already onto the second sock. I'm a little addicted! I have lots more sock yarn, and since Nick isn't interested in handknitted socks ("seems a bit too much hassle") it will probably all be used for me and maybe the girls... perhaps some gifts. Mainly it's dark colours. I have it on good authority that it needs very careful washing to avoid felting.

It's a "toe up" pattern, which I really enjoyed. I look forward to trying a method of doing 2 socks at the same time toe up... but I might need some longer circulars for that.

Oh, yeah, I should mention this was the first time I used circulars to knit something with such a small diameter. I couldn't get my head around it, but I don't bother trying anymore... things seem to work out once I've started... and watched a few videos on YouTube if I get stuck. I'm pretty much willing to give any pattern a go... even if it's got some new seemingly difficult techniques in it. They're usually easier if you don't know they're meant to be difficult!!

I love the heel in this pattern: it's got some short rows, which is probably the trickiest part of the whole pattern (I lose count, but thankfully they are logically spaced once you get into it!) and I love the k1s1 pattern (the ridges) on the ankle. I assume they're to help that area be hard-wearing.

The only Finished Object in this post... hahaha... sort of.

This is the scarf that's meant to have been Birthday and Christmas presents for my biggest little sister last year. I never finished in time, and I've been putting it off. It's been finished, but I just haven't managed to give it to her. It's her birthday in about a week, and I've remembered to take a picture before wrapping it (again) for her.

The pattern is really simple, it's called "Easy Lace Scarf", another one you can download for free from Ravelry. I used 100% cotton, in a lovely pea green colour. It's incredibly snuggly. I was hoping to have some left for some baby booties, it was so nice knitting it. However, scarves never really have any leftovers, do they :)

This is going to be my 3rd Baby Surprise Jacket. Surprisingly a pattern you need to pay for and can only be shipped in from America (so unlike me - I borrowed the pattern from a friend!) I actually find it quite an easy pattern. It's basically garter stitch, so knitting back and forth, with the only techniques needed being increase, knit together, casting on and off, and picking up stitches. It knits as one pieces, and only has 2 seams -- the 2 shoulders. I knitted one of these for Eve some time ago, and she still won't wear it. Apparently it's too green. I have thought about frogging it because the yarn would make a great mermaid tail, if I could find time to do one!

This one is 2 shades of pink with some white thrown in for bulking... It's a cotton yarn, but it was donated by Nicks mum, so I have no idea what. If she doesn't like a pink one, I really will be stuck.

Eves Pink cabled slipper socks. They're meant to be a present for Christmas. I've started the second, but knitting my own socks took over :s The pattern is in a book from the library called "cute knits for baby feet". I plan on buying some leatherette or something for the soles, so they don't slip on our tiled kitchen floor. The yarn is 100% wool. It's the same stuff I used for the baby soakers I knitted for Willow.

Some baby booties that have been in progress since Willow was a baby. I should have some use for them shortly. The pink ones on the right are for gifts, and the funky coloured ones from sock yarn I will probably keep for our baby.

Duck Feet, or "Quack!" as the pattern is called. It's from the same book as the pink cabled slipper socks. Nice pattern, but knits up quite small. I went for the biggest size (18-24mths I think) and Willow is just about to grow out of them. She is only 15mths and has fairly small feet (2.5-3) It also has some confusing short row action, which I'm sure looks great if you get it 100% right, since it gives a seamless looking heel. I missed a few of the wrapped stitches and ended up with some holes. I'm feeling pretty fed up with the pattern to be honest, but I could be persuaded to try them again if there was super nice yarn to use and I was knitting for a small baby.

This is exciting! It's going to be a Lamb Costume! Free pattern, again from Ravelry. I've made some alterations, such as I'm only using a single strand of yarn, and I'm not using 15mm needles, since I don't have them. Obviously I had to alter the amount of stitches I cast on, and it took me a couple of attempts to get it right. So far it's just a hose, and I'm about to start on the arm holes. It's my first dressing up outfit. I'm determined to have something available for the girls to dress up in other than princess dresses (bleugh!) The yarn is another that Nicks mum donated (so it's about as old as he is!) it's an aran weight, and I think it has wool in it. It probably isn't all wool though.

Other knitting news is that following the awful week that I had, I have been naughty and asked a friend to order me some lovely sock yarn from Knit Picks (she's on a US army base, so she gets US shipping, even though she lives on the other side of Northampton!) It's not cheap, which is why it's a good treat. It's going to make a lovely baby hat :)

Sleeping Arrangements

2010-10-15T20:41:00.004+01:00

You know how a while ago I said I'd decided I was going to go to bed at the same time as the girls... or at least earlier than now? Well I didn't. I tried a few times, but it just didn't happen. I couldn't sleep hearing Nick downstairs (on the XBox) or just generally not hearing him breath I think. So that didn't happen. I can't do it now that I have students to teach in the evening, plus we have a good few DIY items we need to get done asap.

I've been wanting to post about sleep-related issues for a while. Probably mainly because I know as soon as the baby arrives things will be up in the air for a good long while, and I'd like to be able to look back and know that things will gravitate towards an acceptable norm eventually!

Our bedtime routine is great at the moment. From about the time she was 12mths old, Willow suddenly decided that she didn't want me to feed her to sleep anymore. In fact I was rendered completely useless, and Nick took over there. For a while I would feed her in the bed and then Nick would come in with his super-magical powers and get her to sleep. Then one night I decided to feed her downstairs and Nick took her up to bed. This meant I didn't have to lie down and probably almost fall asleep, which is a bonus. Apparently all he does is take her upstairs after kisses and cuddles and waving goodbyes to us, puts on her pyjama Tshirt, potty break, night-time nappy, and lies in bed with her until she goes... he says she rolls around a bit, then cuddles in, and eventually falls asleep. Sometimes they have a bit of a giggle-fest which is nice to hear.

Once Willow goes to bed I start getting Eve prepared to go to bed. We dash upstairs for pyjamas or whatever before Willow goes, and then once she's gone I read her a few stories. Sometimes she has 3 books, sometimes it's just one. If it's particularly late she'll just go straight upstairs. We brush teeth, toilet, get her drink, switch the light off, turn her music on, and get in for a brief cuddle. Sometimes she'll go straight to sleep before I even manage to get out. Other times she'll stay in bed and talk to herself, get out to use the toilet again and we assume she eventually goes to sleep.

So evenings are pretty free at the moment, which is just as well. There's a lot to be done!

Mornings are a different story. Willow has decided that 5:20am forward is an acceptable time to be awake. Clearly it's not. The saving grace is that since I've been a couple of months pregnant, Nick has been bringing the girls downstairs to let me sleep a little longer. I think it started when Willow was up in the night a lot and I just couldn't cope. But he's kept it up, and it's honestly one of the few things keeping me going. Nick is an über star! He says it's in his best interests since I'm like a bear with a sore head if I don't get to wake up gently. He's right, and it's taken him a lot shorter time to work this out than my mum (who actually never did to be fair)

Nap times are a little more hit and miss. Lately since she's been up so early Willow has wanted to nap earlier too. This means I don't get to nap because she generally won't want to nap when Eve has her nap after lunch. Sometimes I can stop it, sometimes not. Today we all had a gorgeous nap. Eve woke up first, and started fidgeting, rubbing my side with her finger... (gah!!) ... so I sent her downstairs to watch the end of Sleeping Beauty. Willow slept on for another good 20min, so I dozed with her. I feel nicely replenished this evening. I'm still tired though.

Bed-wise, Eve sleeps in the bottom bunk of her bunk-beds. She loves them. We now have our king-sized mattress on the floor, which I love, and a cot bed mattress next to us (in case Eve wets the bed, plus it's nice to roll out onto) I seem to be getting cold a lot, so I keep a spare double duvet next to the mattress, and pull it over me when I do get cold. I find it really weird because ever since I was pregnant with Eve, and all through breastfeeding and being pregnant again and more breastfeeding I've been totally centrally heated. I've never really felt the cold in those 4 years. Maybe I've finally acclimatised. Who knows?

I have a feeling when the baby arrives, we might steal the mattress from Eves top bunk and perhaps turn the room into a bed-zone. I'm worried Eve might feel a little sensitive about being the only one in a room on her own. I'm pretty sure that as soon as the baby is 6mths old s/he'll want to go to bed in the evenings, just like Willow did, so I'm planning on having Willow move into the bedroom with Eve at this point. She will be 2yo by this point, so hopefully it will all work out well, otherwise we'll work out some sort of musical-bed type arrangement.

This is all assuming we haven't completely cacked up the sleep routines by moving by then of course... gah!

It's all happening....

2010-10-09T10:33:00.005+01:00

So some of you (if anyone is in fact reading this...) may have heard our news on my facebook page...

Nick has a new job.

That's the first bit of news.

It all came a little suddenly, since he applied for the job last Tuesday, went for the interview on Friday, and they sent him an email to say they wanted him this Monday morning!! He's really lucky to have got it, since it's gaming week this week and there's so much going on promoting it all, that the company have actually had so many applicants this week they've put a hold on it all! He had insider knowledge (it's never been what you know, but who you know, let's be fair here) and managed to apply before the job was actually posted in the papers etc.

The job is as a Games Tester. This is not as easy as you might think (from what I've been told) No, he will not get to play games all day. He will probably be testing the same part of a game over and over in the week... following and writing reports about any bugs or other issues. This is the front door to the gaming world apparently. Everyone starts here, and if you're any good, you progress up into higher fields. Nick is so excited he's been grinning his head off all week.

It starts out as a 12 week temporary contract. Scary. This is just so they can sort the chaff from the wheat, and get rid. This leads on to a longer contract and then a permanent job. It's just like starting from the beginning again. He's done it once, (in a place he didn't have much love for) I'm not particularly worried about him being able to do it again. He will fit in great with all the other geeks :D :D :D

Anyway, so when we looked at the benefits we'd be entitled to on a lower wage... we found we actually would be bringing in as much as before. Which shocked the heck out of me, let me tell you. I can't believe that someone earning so much less than us, in a far less responsible job would have their earnings made up to what Nick has been earning in his job. Doesn't seem fair. But something I'm willing to use in the short term to get us out of a hole I suppose. I'm not willing to stop paying the mortgage just so we can lose it (and be branded with bad credit ratings etc.) just so the council can put us up in one of their houses. I want to choose where I live, and who my neighbours are. I don't want to be living off the forced charity of others. It just seems incredibly wrong, on so many levels.

Which brings me onto the next big change. We're selling the house. I actually feel a lot better about this than I thought I would. It's funny because ever since we moved in, whenever we've done DIY, at the back of my mind on a very concious level has been the idea of having to choose something less our taste and more something that would work "when we sell the house". I'd just got past all that, and started to feel like it was ours and we could do what we wanted with it, no matter how kooky... then this happens :D

We've got a few jobs we want to do with stuff we've already bought, like the folding doors inbetween the living and dining room we bought a few weeks ago... possibly some carpet in the upstairs bedrooms, and just general tidying... but the main thing that needs doing is serious decluttering. I have to be fair, most of it is mine, and the kids. Nick has a lot of old computer stuff, which he's actually been through the other night and got rid of the majority of. I have craft stuff, and books... I actually get really attached and sentimental over stuff. Which I am really trying to deal with. Reading about Tophats big move earlier in the year really helped. I couldn't believe how little they moved with. I'm not going to have to get rid of nearly as much, or move nearly as far... but it just helps to see that someone else has done it... and survived... and isn't complaining... see i know it's just stuff... and that I won't miss it once it's gone... but it's the actual getting rid of... ha ha. The "What if I desperately need it next week!!" Mad really.

Anyway, so I've dumped a load of stuff already this morning, and Nick is working on the doors. The girls are being remarkably independent, which is nice. We're meant to be going round estate agents and seeing the benefit people today, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen. Eve still hasn't napped and I don't fancy dragging a grotty child around town.

Just to reassure you... or perhaps it won't... We've prayed about these big changes, together as a couple... and I've prayed alone as well... especially when someone says something and I start to worry. What happens is I get this feeling of overwhelming peace. I know it's going to work out. I know we're going to be fine. I also know it's going to be really hard work at times.

Oh, and the good news is that Nicks parents who live literally up the road are happy to take us into their home for a few months. We might do this so the house is clean and tidy at all times, and doesn't get re-grubbified. It will also act as a buffer after we've sold and before we've found somewhere good to rent :) I'm actually excited to try living in a village somewhere.

So who knows where we'll be living in a years time... exciting stuff!!

Friday Fill ins

2010-10-08T20:24:00.002+01:00

So...here we go!

1. My favorite month is March because it's the beginning of Spring and everything starts getting interesting again... planting-wise at least.

2. Normally I like a fresh breeze.

3. I love to sniff my babies.

4. Peace and quiet is what I like to have as a treat for breakfast.

5. The hobby I enjoy most is umm... knitting (is that not obvious by now?)

6. The negativity: oh my!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to collapsing in a small heap, tomorrow my plans include all manner of fun, including visiting the estate agents in town (all of them) plus helping Nick hang a door, and probably getting some painting done and Sunday, I want to go to church, then come home and nap... possibly followed by some more General Conference catch up and a little knitting!

The nicest thing...

2010-10-06T18:32:00.001+01:00

... anyone has said to me all week....

... is that she wishes she hadn't been so strict with her first two children... she thinks it has taken the adventurous spirit out of them even in their adulthood. This coming from a mother of 6 who has 5 married children and 15 grandchildren, and is a fantastic example to me...

... so I guess I won't be worrying about my girls being a little bit wild from time to time. Interesting children make interesting adults.

Our Weekend

2010-10-04T19:43:00.000+01:00

I've been meaning to post these since the other weekend...

Our trip to Preston for a very lovely friends Sealing in the Temple. A sealing is something which is unique to Latter-day Saints, whereas a normal wedding ceremony binds two people together in a covenant, or promise with God (or the state if it's a civil ceremony) for Time: "till death parts us"; a Temple Sealing binds them together for Time and all Eternity. Mind blowing, yes. Fairly terrifying, absolutely. Obviously there's other things that go around it, but I won't bother boring you with all the details. It was a very special day, and I was honoured to be there.

Jane looking gorgeous

The happy couple around the side of the temple, the marble engravings are of the sun,
moon in various stages and right at the end there's a star, but I'm not sure if it's in this photo...

Matt and Jane standing where they hope to end up :D

Temple grounds

Lots of photos of the girls playing in the grounds. The nicest thing about our church is the fact that it's very family oriented... while we try to be reverent on the temple site, no one even raised an eyebrow at the girls antics!

So amusingly enough, after the ceremony, we all headed off to the pub over the road for some lunch.... Eve eating some chocolate wedding cake... by this point it's been a LOOOONG day for her, since she had her nap fairly early and has been playing with her good friend and behaving fairly well... which is hard work for anyone really.

enoug.

Cutting the cake... but I couldn't be bothered to move it all...

After the pub we found a park and played with our friends until it was nearly bedtime, so that the girlies would be able to sleep on the way home... it sort of worked, and we have a lovely time.

Some photos at home again... I think this was our first day with the new hens (who still aren't keen on us)

Really bad photos, so I'm trying to get some better ones with them lose in the garden. They really are gorgeous chickens!

Eve eating chocolate ice-cream with me one afternoon while Willow napped. We had a lovely time just the two of us as I recall :)

2010-10-01T15:21:00.002+01:00

1. My back is fine, but my hips are sore right now on and off.

2. My garden is looking pretty wild.

3. Leaves are falling all around, and rain too. Lots of rain.

4. Since I'm pregnant people give me some slack for my forgetfulness.

5. Healing is always going to take a long time.

6. Surviving is what I've been up to lately!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Relaxing with my fantastic hubster, tomorrow my plans include hanging out with my children while Nick is out at his Eurogamer Expo in London with our car and Sunday, I want to relax, knit, and send Nick and the girls out somewhere while I have a looooong nap!

Craftiness...

2010-09-23T13:10:00.004+01:00

Okay, so nothing like a good photo blog post to remind me that I have actually been doing good stuff this month, and not completely wasting my life...

The maternity trousers I made the other night using this tutorial. Nick took some photos for me. I don't normally do bump photos, but I think these look quite nice. There's another tutorial here I'd like to try too...

Now I just need to sew in some elastic, because with cutting out the waistband, nothing is really holding them up... they're a UK size 14, and what I would normally wear when not pregnant, if not a size 16... but somehow my hips and butt disappear when I'm pregnant, so it's hard to keep trousers up. The T-shirt part is a little saggy too, so I'm thinking of inserting a little bit of thin elastic there too... but then I will be getting bigger (as Nick reminded me the other night) so I'm not sure it's worth it.

The garden going crazy... It feels like the sweet peas are never going to stop flowering, even though I've given up deadheading... but that's fine with me :) this way I get loads of lovely flowers AND plenty of seeds for next year!

A really blurry photo of Eve carrying her Dora (sigh) doll in her child sized sling :)

The duck foot slippers... I've nearly finished the second, which is far better on the heel since I paid more attention to the short rows and picking up the wraps (only one hole in the second one!) Unfortunately they only just fit Willow, and these are the largest size... 2-3year old I think!! Which is weird, because she has tiny feet. There's no way these would fit her cousin whom I was planning on making some for Christmas... unless I manage to modify the pattern...

The slipper sock that I've knitted for Eve. It's going to have some sort of sole on when I'm finished. I've lent my cable needle out so I can't finish the other at the moment, but that's fine, I've got a few other big projects on the go...
Strangely enough the bigger projects are making me feel more settled. I don't have to constantly be referring to the patter, I can just knit rows and rows without worrying much.

A bowl of wheat my mum decided to glean from the wasteland which is my back garden. I let the "corn" that we feed the hens grow once we took out the enclosure, and it did pretty well. Harvesting it seems to be a lot of hard work though... I'm not sure it's worth it!!

Willow in one of my old dresses. I love this dress.

The reason I couldn't sleep last night...

2010-09-20T02:35:00.005+01:00

I seem to get pregnancy insomnia, and go over things in my mind a lot. I spent ages last night, as I do often when I wake up, trying to pinpoint the moment in that night almost 4 years ago when I should have said "NO!" and seen the midwives out of my home. It's really a moot point since I can't change what happened to us. I should never have allowed the first vaginal examination that sent them into panic mode.

Anyway, so I managed to get this out. Just in case you're wondering I'm not going for the sympathy vote, I just want to address this all and move on (again!)

Dear Midwife (who will remain nameless for the interests of this post),

I wanted to remind you of a choice you made nearly 4 years ago. A choice that has made a huge difference in my life ever since. This was the choice to send a young primip in labour to hospital after she had been labouring for some hours. This primip had no warning signs that indicated hospital transfer was necessary. Both mother and baby were doing fine, and continued to do so. However, once at the mercy of hospital protocols and timing, this primip was given a Caesarean Section for failure to progress. This was in fact your failure. A failure to be patient and trust the birth process and the young primips instincts; instead you chose to leave this young primip for the comfort of your own home, hearth and family (you didn't even say goodbye once you dumped me there by the way).

The primip is of course me.

Let me tell you another story. This is the story of how you made another choice. A choice not to send a midwife who was keen on homebirth and wanting to help encourage a VBAC, but instead to send a woman who wanted to warn at every oportunity of the dangers of VBAC, how rupture was actually more common than reported and It Will Happen To You. This despite having promised not to mention it once it was discussed at our first appointment: funny how it cropped up again every time I saw her. A midwife who knew that I had "needed [your] help" in my first labour, and would obviously need the same help in my second (I can't guess who would have given her that impression). A midwife who didn't seem in the least bit pleased for me when she arrived the day after I gave birth to my beautiful daughter completely naturally, at home by the way. I don't have to tell you that this was absolutely not the support I needed during that pregnancy, and the only encouragement I needed not to call for any "help" during my labour.

I should add that I chose this route not because I was afraid of you, or your colleagues, but because I knew without doubt I was more than equipped to do a better job without you. I knew having one of you around would cause more problems than it would bring benefits.

I cannot tell you how many times I have woken in the night crying and wanting to scream because I am so ANGRY that I allowed myself to be bullied by you. I could have given birth to that first baby naturally if you had only believed in me, believed in birth. Instead of fulfilling your obligation as a midwife: the guardian of natural birth; you chose NHS protocol, and your safe job. I now have a scarred uterus because you wouldn't listen to my instincts and because you were tired and wanted to be ready for your appointments in the morning.

You midwives kept telling me how unfair it was to insist on a HBAC, how badly it could impact on you professionally if "something went wrong". Well how about how your decisions have impacted me for the last 4 years? Actually I don't think you care about what that has done to me, a live mother and baby is not all that matters. My CS was not necessary, despite what you may think you know from my notes.

This is of course not your fault or your problem. It is mine for having allowed myself to listen to you rather than my own instincts. I am the only one who has had to suffer through this, and will continue to do so. I choose to make this experience one that makes me stronger. More determined to ensure that women know the truth about birth. That they are empowered to make their own decisions based on their instincts, and that they are not undermined and bullied by small minded individuals who are only interested in their own careers.

I don't expect you will ever recieve this letter. It's a shame, because you need to change the way you practice.

Yours Sincerely,
Me

Prenatal Care

2010-09-12T16:56:00.004+01:00

So I've been meaning to write about this for a while. I was thinking that some might think that since I am conducting my own pregnancy rather than passing it into the hands of NHS Midwives to deal with it all, that I might not be recieving any prenatal care. Far from it. In fact I actually regard what NHS midwives are paid to do to be no more than prenatal observation and testing. I know there are midwives out there who do provide true care, but unfortunately they seem rather scarce...

So just in case you were wondering, here's my schedule for my prenatal observation and testing...

Basically I don't have any of the triple tests etc that the NHS offer. My reasoning being that it doesn't help me to know any risk factor. This baby will not be aborted artificially for any reason, so there's really no point in having these tests, the results will purely cause stress, and are often inaccurate. Not to mention the risk of accidental miscarriage. So I don't allow anything like that to be done to us. Full stop end of the story.

I had the full round of blood tests done when I was pregnant the first time. Since I am totally monogomous in my relationship and know my husband is too, I see no reason to be re-tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. Or to find out my blood type AGAIN, I really doubt it's changed.... or my resistance to rubella, since I am immune.

The one blood test I may ask for from my GP is to see where my iron levels are at. I plan on putting a lot of effort into raising my iron levels towards the end of my pregnancy. Spatone is a good start... and I'm hoping to try some green smoothies too.

I've already been taking a good multivitamin, which my chiropracter suggested, since the way it is formulated makes the good stuff more bio-available and therefore it's actually absorbed by your body, rather than being passed out in your urine. I've also been taking fish oil with both omega 3 and 6. I plan on adding some probiotics to my diet and taking Grapefruit Seed Extract orally towards the end of the pregnancy.

The other things a midwive would do in the course of a normal pregnancy would be to perform urinalysis. This involves dipping a stick into your urine to check for certain things. As far as I'm aware the standard NHS test is for 5 things: glucose, protein, keytones, blood and pH. I've bought my own tests and I'm taking one every week... simply because there's 100 in a pack, and even if I used 2 a week over the course of a 44 week pregnancy, which I won't, I still won't have used them all. A midwife would do this at every appointment, which is generally once a month early on and then fortnightly/weekly at the 35 week point. I've researched what each test is a pointer towards... however I've only ever had one abnormal result this pregnancy... a slightly higher pH, which can be a sign of a UTI. I drank loads of water, and the next day it was fine, but I'm still taking precautions and attempting to drink as much as possible, which also means I wee a lot. urgh.

Last pregnancy I had a +++ result for glucose. In the end we figured out it was due to me having crunchy nut cornflakes an hour earlier. My test later that day was normal.

A midwive would also normally use a doppler to listen to the babys heartbeat. I've read things that make me a little unsure about having one used on us regularly, so I'm going to buy a fetal pinard stethoscope and listen for the heartbeat myself. The benefit of this is that I can do it whenever I like, and I can get to know the positions the baby likes to take up... one problem might be that I suspect I have an anterior placenta, meaning that it's positioned at the front of my uterus, near my belly button rather than my backbone. Not only does it mean I don't feel much of the early movement (which is why I suspect this) but the sound of the placenta will mask some of the heartbeat in the earlier weeks until the babys heart gets stronger, and louder.

Fundus measurement is also often used by midwives to guesstimate how far along you are and if the uterus is growing as it should. This is basically a measurement from the pelvic bone to the top of the fundus. The problem with this measurement is that it's fairly subjective. Different midwives will measure you slightly differently, causing issues since it might appear that you have grown more than you "should" or perhaps not at all. Also different women have different amounts of body fat over the fundus. It's not particularly accurate, so to be taken with a huge pinch of salt. Nice to know the fundus is growing, but not worth getting worried over. A nice measurement is that normally at around 20 weeks your fundus should reach your belly button.

Fetal positioning. I practiced doing this with both Eve and Willow. I was a lot better with Willow because I had a lot more time to lie down at home and try to visualise it, and I knew my body better and how things felt. Plus it was more important to me. There's a great resource called spinning babies online. Mainly when I was pregnant with Eve I used that for ideas to get her to turn anterior instead of posterior. It didn't work... lol. I don't think I was invested in the practice enough, I was a little lazy. I've heard lots of women give birth perfectly to babies in postitions deemed difficult by the medical profession. What I suspect is that this is possible to do when the mother is in tune with how her body feels and is free to move as she feels she needs to. Without external "suggestion".

Ultrasound. A lot of people worry when you say you don't want to have one of these... I guess there's a lot of reasons... there's a few articles I've read over the course of the last few years that make me feel they are less necessary and possibly more damaging than people seem to want to believe. I know we only really have the two scans in this country as long as things are progressing normally, but are they really necessary? Yes, it's nice to be able to see your baby, no, it's not necessary. I can wait. Any worries I might have had about an undiagnosed placenta praevia were quashed by that first article.

So for now, I'm perfectly happy continuing as we are. It's important to remember that I haven't opted out of anything. I just haven't opted into something that's not particularly necessary for us right now, and I find particularly stressful to have to deal with. If and when I see a benefit to opting into NHS care, then I will. I'm quite happy to take full responsibility for my own pregnancy and not farm it out to the NHS, who seem to think they own me and my choices. I am not a womb pod!!

EC tips for Newbies and our update

2010-09-12T16:24:00.004+01:00

... or could be used when potty training at a more "traditional" age...

One of my friends on Facebook had seen some of the links I'd posted to do with EC... she was wondering if I had any words of advice, since our kids are a few months apart in both cases. She said she'd left it quite late to potty train her eldest, and wanted to try the youngest sooner. She'd seen that we'd been doing pottying with Willow, and wondered how we do it... she was actually very shocked to hear that we'd started with our little one at 3 months.

Here's my reply to her, I thought there might be at least one person out there that these little tips that worked for us, will work for them. Obviously every child, and every parent is different!

Dear N,

Willow has actually been using the potty since she was 3 months old, it's a little hit and miss, but we offer her lots of opportunities and some weeks we catch them all, and others (especially when she's teething) we miss them all.

I potty trained Eve in the more "traditional" sense at about 2 and a half. It was hard work. I think I needed to be ready and relaxed about it more than she did. You have to be prepared for a lot of misses and not worry about it. I found having the potty in the room with us helped. Also a pile of floor cloths and change of trousers, unless you're going to go naked to start with!

Something I've learnt from pottying Willow is to sit with/behind them, and do a favoured activity - for us it's reading a favourite book... maybe singing a song, or something similar? so that they can sit and be happy staying until they're finished?

We use a cue for a wee and a poo. Something like the noise they would naturally make when doing said things... I'm sure you can imagine... it's like a pssss for wee and a grunting type thing for poop.

Also, it helps to watch for the times when they need to wee most... like immediately after waking, I also give both girls the chance to go before bedtime... consistency in offering the potty at certain times helps. I offer the potty before we get into the car, and after we get out. Before she gets in her high chair and when she gets out (unless she did one before)

The other thing I would want to remember is that it's important for them to feel comfortable sitting on the potty, otherwise they won't want to do their business there. It doesn't matter at first if they do anything when you sit them there, you're laying the groundwork for later on.

I'll try and post some photos of us pottying on the blog if you like :)

I hope some of that helps. More than happy to explain any of it if it doesn't make sense :)

I don't like summer either much. Looking forward to autumn and Spring again :)

You should see the plum trees where we live at the moment -- talk about bountiful!!

Han x

I was just thinking about another few things... expectations being one of them (ours, and the kids!) Willow from a really young age expected to be put on the potty when she woke up, and before and after sitting in her high chair. This was down to our routine. Obviously if I left it too late she would wet herself, but as long as we kept doing it she stayed dry. When she was younger Mondays were a real struggle with EC since she would spend 3 or more hours at church in a nappy, with no real opportunity to use the potty (I just found it too distracting to try, and with so many people around she wasn't particularly interested anyway!) Routine and her expectations of us were clearly very important to sucess.

On the other side of the spectrum, our expectations of her have been minimal. It's our job to get her to the potty. If we don't manage in time, and she has an accident, it's our fault, not hers. Keeping the frustration to a minimum is important, even little kids can sense how you are feeling and associate those feelings with what's going on. I'm pretty sure that's why we had such a hard time pottying Eve. Our expectations on her being an older child meant that we got frustrated/cross with her when she would have an accident at times, meaning she would refuse to even sit on the potty at times... and it didn't even occur to me to sit with her... she was fairly independent, and it didn't occur to me that she would need me to!

When Willow was little she would wear a little pair of light trousers that I knew would dry quick. It was still easier to wash these than a big bulky nappy, so it didn't bother me too much if we missed a lot in the day. The purpose of these being to catch any accidental poo mess that might occur. Any liquid accidents were just mopped up with a terry nappy. I worried for a long time that the carpet and house would start smelling of wee, but it never did! I also found out that urine is actually sterile, so it didn't matter too much if I didn't have time to constantly wash the carpet.

At the moment she wears some Motherease Sandys, which are quite thick cloth nappies. They popper up at the sides and have elastic on the waist and legs. They're a little big on her so we can use them easily as training pants... but ones that absorb the majority of her wee's, even big ones. This means that now I'm pregnant and exhausted and feeling the odd twinge of bleugh, I don't have to be mopping up even the occasional wet patch on the carpet. Which is nice. We don't put a wrap on her though, so we always know fairly immediately when she is wet, which means we can try her on the potty to see if there's any more, and then put clean pants on.

Poo-wise Willow doesn't like to poo out of our house. Not even at Grandmas house! Although it does happen it's normally an accident where she couldn't hold it anymore, and I didn't offer the potty soon enough. I can't tell you how wonderful it is not to have to wipe ground-in poop out of all the cracks of your childs butt. Seriously. I realised the other day when we had our first in-nappy accident in about 3-4 months how much I had been taking this for granted. IT ROCKS!

Willow has never really made any specific cues in return to us, which has made things interesting. I think I'm going to try to teach her the ASL sign for potty which is thumb between first and second finger, we'll see how that goes. The problem with the "sshhh" cue is that is crops up with so many of her favourite "words"... for example... cheessse, Ssssh (as in, quiet, someone's sleeping!) and she makes that noise for wasp and flying insects too :s I'm hoping before the baby arrives she'll be able to be a little more independent and sit herself on the potty. Of course this might not be the case. We shall see...

We're going to EC with our new baby from birth. That's the plan. I have amassed some great supplies recently, including nightdresses, which will make pottying easier, and a felted wool pad, which absorbs accidents, and also a felted wool skirt/dress which would be for the same purpose. I'm still thinking about an appropriate receptacle for infant pottying. I could buy a "tophat" potty which sits inbetween your knee when you're feeding or whatever, but I've also seen someone pottying a tiny baby with a small ceramic bowl. So I'm on the hunt. I need to get myself out to a car boot sale before the season ends!!

I haven't got any photos of her on the potty to show off I'm afraid, but I'll make an effort to try to take some this week to post next time.

Not in the mood.

2010-09-12T15:49:00.000+01:00

Just not feeling the bloggy love right now, so I'll try to comment on these photos... they're from newest to oldest because I cannot be bothered to move them all around right now...

I eventually got round to getting the elderberries we picked weeks ago out of the freezer and used them to make some dye. Worked out pretty well, but don't get excited, I realised just after I took this photo that I had misread the instructions on the fixative, and so once I rinsed these nightdresses properly, they turned a dirty grey. Not so great. Now I have to build up the energy to go pick some more elderberries so I can give it another go. All the ones we can now reach will be further away to walk.... doom, gloom...

Oh, I should point out my new peg bag in that photo! My lovely cousin sewed it for me and brought it when she visited the other month. It's gorgeous and now filled with pegs, which means I can generally hang out 3 loads of washing, which is divine. And the bag is so divine it ALWAYS gets brought in rather than left out like my last few (probably why they didn't last so well) i think she could probably sell them quite easily somewhere like folksy. I should tell her that.

painting with the girls earlier in the week. I suddenly realised we hadn't painted for AGES, and Willow had in fact NEVER done any painting. So that had to be fixed....

As you can see, it was heartily enjoyed and followed up with an immediate bath. Eve loves painting for the double-whammy of the paint followed by the playing, ahem, I mean "washing the equipment" in the sink.

So this is how I guess autonomous Education works... We spot a big FAT caterpillar in the house, and I pick it up to take it outside to find a new home... of course showing Eve on the way out. I don't think I let her hold it as she has a habit of squishing insects... we put it down and she immediately wants to come in and draw a picture of a caterpillar, AND a chrysalis, AND a butterfly... I didn't choose what to draw, I was TOLD. Then she coloured them in :) She then spent a good few hours playing at being a caterpillar, eating lots, building a chrysalis, turning into a butterfly (but wait, I have to let my wings dry!)... and I thought visting the butterfly farm last year was a complete waste of time for her... hahaha... although most of it I suspect is down to The Very Hungry Caterpillar, which is a favourite for bedtime.

One of our crazy carrots. We've had a surprising amount of very good sized carrots. Especially considering I've never been able to get one to germinate before! These are the ones from the BBC Dig In packets we got for free, and Eve planted in one of the raised beds near her playhouse. Last weekend I think it was, she came in from playing with a massive handful of carrots... which I then had to sort out... Nick went out to see how things were, and came in with the rest of them He's actually really enjoying seeing everything grow and has been making comments about the vegetables, like today "we've had a really good flow of runner beans haven't we?" To which I replied something along the lines of, yeah, they're a really easy crop to grow and they keep coming all summer. That's why I grow them every year. He keeps trying to harvest things for me, which is sweet but not always particularly useful... they stay fresh on the plants most of the time, whereas if picked, I have to do something with them in most cases. I really don't always feel like dealing with vegetables...

The carrot flower. Nick thought better of picking this one since it "looked different". Clever boy. Unfortunately Eve picked it yesterday! I'm hoping it will stilll seed properly - I've got it hung in a brown paper bag to catch the seeds, so fingers crossed. We're trying really hard (well I am) to keep seeds for next years sowing from our current crops. It should save us pennies :) I haven't managed to save any useable squash seeds yet, but I'm excited to save some and plant them, mainly because squash are so promiscuous (aparently) that you never know what you'll end up with if you save seeds -- it depends on which male flower pollinated the female!!

Spider webs! We came out one morning to find the spider webs had all been covered in dew! I couldn't NOT take any photos, so I made Nick a couple of minutes later to work taking these photos... they wouldn't have been there when we got home!!

Nick and the girls playing. Must've been last Sunday as that's the dress Willow wore to church last week.

Eve and her friend playing princess dress-up.

Eve, Willow, and another friend playing in the tent indoors.
The spoiling wild plums. This is why I HAD to make so much plum jam this year, when I'd planned not to make any really. I can't bear to see this sort of wastage... although the insects enjoyed it I expect... and judging from the smell, it might be the reason we had so much roadkill on the roundabout... it smelled at least 10% alcoholic :D

The quince from mums garden before I made it into jelly. I thought I had more photos of the process, but meh... maybe later... it made the most divine smelling beautifully clear jelly ever. Gorgeous.

Something that bugs me...

2010-08-29T18:57:00.004+01:00

... and will probably continue to bug me...

A few weeks ago the Primary Presidency popped by to give Eve a present. She's going to be going up to Primary after Christmas, so they were introducing themselves to her. I thought that was lovely (apart from the fact that the gift had chocolate in it, a big NO NO in this house, it sends the kids loopy, that will just have to be something we educate them about I guess)

The thing that bugged me was that one of the lovely ladies had spent some time in the Nursery, and told me (in awe almost) all the things Eve could do (counting, colours, blah blah, all the stuff she's been doing for months if not years) and then proceeded to say, "you can tell she's got a teacher for a mum."

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

I quickly followed with "actually I hardly taught her any of those things, she's picked them up by herself."

I get cross that people think that Eves knowledge and intelligence has anything to do with anyone but Eve. She is the one who has absorbed and put those things into practice. Sure, I might sing songs with her, and give her information when she asks for it or looks interested, but surely wouldn't any parent? Does the fact that I trained as a secondary school maths teacher and spent a miserable almost 2 years "teaching" in a secondary school *really* have anything to do with my daughters sucess??

It's the same when I tell people we'll be Home Educating... "well, you'll be okay, you're a teacher!" Like that PGCE conferred some sort of magical spell on me to know exactly what a child needs to learn. It's not even like we spent any time on Primary education, even if I thought half of it was valid to our needs. We spent 2 days (I think) observing in an infants school. How does that prepare me for guiding my own children through their formative years??

Yeah, so that's probably it for today. A rant. Lucky you.

Oh, and this is good read

Catching up on Summer photos

2010-08-25T21:50:00.004+01:00

I've waited for this book for about 3 weeks on transfer from another library in the county. Very exciting...

Because I saw a blanket when I was at church in London, made out of these...

and I just HAD to make one myself!! So very exciting. I have the perfect yarn too, some sparkly acrylic yarn that was donated to me by Carolyn. It's actually very nice to knit with. The shorter projects are doing me good too :)

Here beginneth the photos of the goodies found in my Mums loft... this is Willow in one of the larger night dresses. They're a little long on her, and Nick isn't keen, but they'll be good in winter, and when we want to start ECing/pottying her at night.

here is Eve in her new Bob the Builder pyjamas... also a hand-me-down, but she LOVES them... I love the fact that she wants to wear them because she thinks Bob is cool (he fixes stuff), and hasn't been told that it's "only for boys". They are lovely pyjamas.

Some photos of us at the park. Willow is wearing a dress that used to be my sister Jasmines (mine is slightly bigger) and orginally it was a suit belonging to our mum. I love it. It's just the right length to cover her nappy/crotch area, and it looks cute. She's wearing a cut off vest underneath. I love my new pinking shears!! I haven't had to hem it at all, and there's no fraying!

Eve in her new dress that I bought in a fit of sympathy in the Sainsburys sale... Willow has just had a huge influx of dresses, and wears one most days now, but Eve doesn't have many... gah!

Willow showing me the way off the "beach" and up to the park.

I couldn't believe how many hoverflies were in this flower, so I took a photo. Amazing!!

Carrots! This is the first year in the three that I've been planting, that I've actually had anything to show for planting carrot seeds! These were a variety especially for pots and shallow beds, from the CBeebies Dig in campaign... so free :) I think they've done pretty well.

Willow likes to eat carrots :)

Eve helping me to wash the for the picnic later on (to dip in houmous of course!!)

The girls with my cousins 3 boys, I chose the photo with both my girls looking happy :)

Shoes. This is one of our problems in this house. Eve has too many pairs of shoes. It's not my fault, I don't really buy them!!! Nicks mum has a thing for shoes, and retail therapy is her thing. While she is waiting for her sister to be finished in a shop, she'll look at kiddie things, and often comes home with something for one or both of the girls. It's a bit crazy at times, but it saves us a lot of money....

I should probably mention that these are just the ones that fit her... if I got all her shoes out, we'd be in real trouble... can you imagine how many shoes we're going to have when there are 3 kids in the house and they are all wearing shoes? I am already dreading Willow having more than one pair (which reminds me, I must remind Nick to get Eves first pair of wellies out of the loft for her!!)

My other issue is that as kids growing up we only really had one pair of shoes... our school shoes... and as we got older a pair of deck shoes for messing about in. I have no real complaints about this, shoes are and were expensive, but I think it's a reason why I let this craziness continue. Two pairs of wellies are quite useful, but can anyone tell me why she came home from her holiday with her Daddy and Grandparents with 2 pairs of beach shoes?!?

This is quite an old photo, my last attempt at making wheat based cereal. I decided to add dried fruit, oats and rice pops to the mix. Turned out pretty good, except we decided we didn't like the dried pear, so we won't add that again...

The oats and rice pops really bulk it out with little work. I've bought some puffed millet to add to the next batch.

Sweet Peas. They're going crazy here. It's the first year I've bothered planting "pretty" rather than "useful" seeds, but I'm glad I did. They're really nice to see in the garden. I did plant some lettuce and salad leaves around them too, so the raised box wasn't entirely wasted in terms of production :)

Remember the bargain pasta maker I told you about? Well mum could hardly wait to get it out of the box, and make something...

We ended up making some lasagne sheets, and then making the lasagne from scratch for our tea. Poor mum didn't get to try it at all :s

Willow decided to help being as Eve was in bed so she was in charge...

Here are the sheets drying out...

We also made some spaghetti later on in the week... these photos are from Nicks iphone... I *did* ask him to take a photo of the spaghetti, but clearly he's confused about what spaghetti is... you can just about make out a few strands in the background.

and Nick came home from shopping with some ham ends... so we ended up making spaghetti carbonara... woooo...

Yes, there's an awful lot of sauce there, but I wasn't about to waste it, and the runner beans are from our garden, so all in all a very home made meal :) all we need now is chickens for the eggs, a pig for the ham, and a field to plant wheat... oh, and a decent wheat grinder :D

Willow eating the first harvest of corn on the cob. Very sweet, even though it's not quite ripe yet. She kept complaining about the skin sticking in her teeth, but didn't seem to want to stop eating it.
This is another of my old dresses. It is SO unbelieveably cute on her. I think it really brings out her blue eyes too!

I didn't realise Eve had her eyes closed in this photo...

this is both of them stood on Eves stepping stool. Willow is pretty much into everything right now. For a couple of weeks she was climbing onto the chairs, which got hairy enough... but was okay if we remembered to push them in... this week she's figured out she can pull them out herself!! I have to hide the stepping stool in the corner of the kitchen, and hope she doesn't figure out she can move that too, because try as I might to keep the kitchen clear and tidy, it really is constantly in use and it's never really 100% tidy and put away unless I make a HUGE effort in the evening. Then of course first thing in the morning it's a mess again after breakfast. I've decided it's not worth the effort. I have certain things I like to make sure are done before bed, like Willows high chair, and clearing the hob... but apart from that I can cope. Nick is great and normally empties the dishwasher in the morning while he's eating/ making sandwiches, and that helps a lot. I would still like to get rid of the microwave since I hardly use it, and it takes up a huge amount of space (plus all the negative health implications) it's switched off most of the time, but Nick won't let me dump the thing!!

A last cutie photo. Must try to get more photos of Eve... problem is she's generally moving so fast she comes out as a blur!!

OOOOOOHHHH! nudity warning!!! You might see naked breast in this next photo... don't look if you're afraid of that sort of thing. It's going to be happening a lot more often here... it's my public service for the week!!

Stuff here

2010-08-19T20:37:00.002+01:00

It's not been much fun living here the last week or so. You can tell that by the lack of uploaded photos in this post. I have tons of them on the camera waiting, but when I feel the way I do now, they never get uploaded. It seems like too much.

So my list of crazy stuff this week....

Eve got her finger trapped in the door. Actually it was her thumb, her sucking thumb. Not good. She's using the other one still, so it must still be hurting her. It was the hardest thing ever to get her to let me take the plaster off and wash it. Poor kid.

Willow got stung by a wasp. There's a wasp nest on the other side of our neighbours fence at the bottom of the garden. We're getting a lot of wasps around the house, and it's driving us all a bit insane. Nick is great at swatting them though. Anyway, this one wasp took an interest in her yoghurt pot, and being that she's an inquistive little thing, she picked it up. So it stung her thumb! Thankfully Grandma was around and took it out with a flat knife really quickly, horrible thing was still pulsing the poison into her :( Of course, in true Willow fashion, she would not feed for comfort... she would go as if to latch, then pull away with an utterly outraged expression, as if I'd done something entirely dastardly. Walking around the garden is the only thing to soothe her in these situations it seems, and we went and picked some blackberrie from the plant at the end of the garden... which I've been trying to avoid. lol. Another surprising thing was the fact that my animal loving little sister was quite happy to take the horrible waspie outside and stomp on it. This is the kid who screamed blue murder at me once for pouring salt on a slug!!!

We're still dealing with the thrush. I went to the doctor yesterday, and he prescribed some Nystatin for Willow, and some canesten cream for me, but he also said something that I hadn't thought of... he suggested using Kamillosan inbetween the times I could use the Canesten. Slowly my brain ticked over the the fact that it had chamomile in it, and chamomile is meant to be good for thrush.... ooooh, we'll try that as one last ditch attempt to try and sort this naturally-ish... it'll be easier than having to wash the Canesten steroidal cream off at each feed and having Willow screaming at me that she wants it NOW.

I think we all have tonsilitus. This could account for the utter grumpiness going on, and the fact that the thrush is taking so long to get gone. I know we all had cold-like symptoms over the weekend, but mine is definately tonsilitus now, my throat is soooo sore, and I have to stinky breath... yuck.

The weather is ridiculous. I mean, it's typical English Summer weather. Nothing unusual. Just incredibly frustrating. You'll wake up in the morning and it'll be all clear and blue skies, so you'll prepare for a lovely warm day. Then what? by 9-10am it'll be overcast and threatening rain. Gah. I put washing out! Then of course it'll change its mind several times, and you'll not know whether you're coming or going. Of course there will be the complete reverse of this where it will be grotty looking in the morning, and then gorgeous by 10am, so after settling in for a miserable day, you'll have to build up the motivation and will to force 2 smalls out the door for some lovely fresh air, which you might not be able to get for a while again...

On the other hand, I've had some lovely times in the week. Mum took me out shopping and we popped into some charity shops. We spotted some great stuff. Most notably a pasta maker, which we got at the bargain price of £5!! I thought mum was pointing it out for me, but it turns out she wanted it for herself, so we had a little umm dicussion, and we're sharing it. But I have it for now, and possession is 9/10ths of the law. ha. Nah, I'll share nicely. Promise.

Also found a self inflating mattress for camping, a nice knitted top for me, and a tablecloth, which I've been wanting for a while.

Carolyn popped round yesterday too, and dropped off a gorgeous piece of baby gear... a tiny knitted alpaca cardigan. It looked soooo tiny, and I had to hold off saying, "oh, it's okay if it doesn't fit the baby it will fit a doll".... so to reassure us both I went and got a baby vest from upstairs to compare against, and it's PERFECT. It's always nice to have something that FITS rather than things to grow into.

I will sincerely try my best to upload photos next time... or you might have to put up with another wordy post again next time.

Weaning Eve

2010-08-09T13:02:00.003+01:00

I've been meaning to write about this for a while. About 3 months in fact.

Just shortly after we found out I was pregnant, I made a decision. It was a hard decision, because it went against a decision I'd previously made, which was to breastfeed Eve to term; until she was ready to stop. However, I couldn't possibly have foreseen this circumstance. I knew that with being pregnant my milk supply could and probably would drop. This hadn't been a problem when I was pregnant with Willow, since Eve was already 18 months or so and my milk clearly wasn't a massive part of her diet anymore. She ate, and especially drank a lot more than she had previously done. She never made any comment on the milk changing, even when the new milk came in.

This time, I knew Willow was younger. I knew she still needed my milk. I didn't think it would be fair to her or me to continue tandem feeding through this pregnancy, especially since I was already totally exhausted.

So we did it. I stopped letting Eve have her morning milk. It was hard at first, but she doesn't ask anymore.

Eve hasn't been feeding to sleep for a long while, and so I knew it wouldn't impact her there.

I have noticed over the last few months a change in her. She hasn't been sleeping as well, and she's not eating as much as she did before. She's grumpy a lot, and doesn't really want to do much given the choice. I'm trying to give her a lot of cuddles and time with me, but I'm not seeing any improvement. I don't know if the changes are down to this premature weaning. It's the only thing that's really changed.

Yesterday she came out of nursery early. Apparently she was a little "out of sorts" and "wouldn't share". I don't think it's a good idea to share any more of my thoughts on this, because I get a little cross, and it's not appropriate content.

Bottom line is that she's not interested in anything... playing, eating... you name it... she just wants to "watch a film!"

***********************

An update 12/08/2010:

After a lot of thought on how to change things, this is what we're now doing to try and make Eve feel happier...

Making sure she's having a proper, scheduled nap in the afternoon. Not allowing her to fall asleep in front of a film, but actually taking her to her bedroom and her having a nap. A big part of this is routine... making sure she knows what's going on and the order of things, ie. lunch, play, tidy up, hot chocolate (if she wants it), toilet, story in bed, close curtains, music on, drink nearby, quick cuddle and then mummy leaves closing door firmly behind her. Yes I have to be that detailed and specific with her. She picks up on ALL the details. This is basically her bedtime routine, so that helps since she's kind of already used to it. She has cried a little, and I don't like that much, but it's working, and she's not grumpy in the afternoon/evening!

Moving the table arrangements so that instead of Willow being next to me and Eve being next to Nick, Eve is next to me. Nick has been causing some stress at meal times by insisting that she eat all of her dinner. Sometimes he has dished up, and he's given her far too much, but still thinks she should eat everything on her plate. I try to give her a smaller plate to remind me that she needs a lot less, whereas he often puts her dinner on a large plate like ours, and over estimates her portion. An easy mistake to make, but it also scares her when she sees the amount on her plate I think. It's not how we've brought her up as a self-led weaner... and it's not conducive to her wanting to spend time with us at meals. She's a lot happier at dinner now, I didn't think it would be so simple to fix. It wasn't even a planned move, I just put Willows high chair out of the way and it ended up elsewhere at dinner time! She's sat on my knee once, and I've spoon/fork fed her another time, but she's eaten a lot more (which she needs) and she's enjoyed the mealtime.

Giving her extra time in the evenings to hang out with me and Nick by herself, after Willow has gone to bed. As long as she's happy pottering around and behaving sociably, I'm not too bothered how long she stays up. One night we played Uno, another night we got all the playdough out. I remember another night where I read about 50 books! Tonight we made chocolate cup cakes, which we'll probably ice tomorrow, and perhaps take a few to a friend.

That seems to be doing the job for now, but we'll see how it goes. They seem ridiculously simple and possibly totally obvious, but the change when both have been implemented has been amazing. I think that both of the scheduled activities are going to be extremely helpful when the new baby makes an appearance. Now I just have to figure out something to help Willow not be so jealous and possessive of me when I'm cuddling other small children... which she really is :D

The unassisted pregancy... it continues...

2010-08-06T20:50:00.003+01:00

Right, so I haven't really blogged about this at all. I keep feeling I should, but really there's nothing exciting to blog about. I take my vitamins and fish oil. I try to eat healthily, with lots of green stuff and protein... I do my pee test every week, but it keeps coming back normal! So I'm just living my life, trying to do the best I can while being pregnant with two small young ladies to entertain and feed.

I have felt a little nauseous, and I wretched this morning, after trying to cough up a lump of yuck phlegm (sorry if that's too much information) but generally I am lucky... I don't vomit unless I'm incredibly poorly, pregnant or not.

Today I've had a migraine type feeling, with a little dizziness, so I've put my feet up this afternoon and tried not to do much. That got easier when Nick got home!

I've been having lots of naps with the girls in the day... the last week I spent one afternoon trying to get them to go to sleep for an hour and a half... GAH!!! Then as soon as I gave up and came downstairs, and relaxed... THEY FELL ASLEEP!!! Lesson learnt!

One thing about the summer holidays is that we've had a lot more play dates this week. Actually I'm not sure that it hasn't been a little overwhelming for Eve, but I've enjoyed the company overall.

We've had some goodies from my mums loft... so exciting!

Loads of tiny vests, some that are wrap over vests, but none of which fasten under the bum. It really annoys me that this is all you can buy in the shops at the moment, unless you go somewhere really exclusive and expensive. I did start cutting and hemming up some of the under the bum vests of Willows and Eves, but this is far easier for now.

Plenty of little night dresses, some of which were a bit stained by time... BUT I have a feeling have come clean in the wash :)

Plus, quite a few dresses Willows size (and a lot smaller) but the style when I was a kiddle was to have a lot shorter skirt. Which actually makes sense with a crawling child, if you think about it. I'm a lot more comfortable with her wearing dresses now she is walking, simply because she's not constantly frustrated by kneeling on the blasted skirt and not being able to crawl anywhere!!

I'll put photos up when I can :)

So, EC from birth. I'm quite excited for it. I know we're going to have accidents, but it's nothing our carpet hasn't already seen, and I have it on good authority that our house doesn't smell of wee when you walk in, so I'm fine with that... lol. I do think perhaps we're going to need some more flat towels (why oh why did I sell all my terry nappies??) but I have some old (white) towels upstairs that we can cut up to do the job I think.

I've been thinking a lot about how we're going to get around when the baby is born. We don't use a buggy at all at the moment, and the only reason we had one in the house at all when Willow was small was as a safe place to put her down during the day so Eve couldn't get to her... sometimes it was nice to not be carrying the baby, and I was lucky enough that she was easy-going enough to do that without any trouble.

My inital idea is that I'll have the baby in a sling, on my front, and Willow will some of the time walk, and the rest of the time I can carry her in a mei tai on my back. Hopfully the snazzy one will be done by then :D Willow will only be about 18-20 months (vague enough?) when the baby is born, and I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to walk all the time, although she is starting to want to walk a lot more now. I figure that as long as I keep up the babywearing through my pregnancy (which is fine for now) and I make sure to have a proper babymoon where I completely rest after the baby comes, we should be okay. I'm getting good at taking it easy when I need to. A drained mummy is no fun for anyone.

As an aside, I have vast quantities of courgettes/marrows, and I need to use them up/give them away... anyone??

Quick post

2010-08-03T22:26:00.003+01:00

Just quickly so i don't forget. I'm meant to be in bed!

We had a lovey day today, our first Primary outing!! We went to Draycote Water for a picnic, and play :) Eve kinda struggled at first with all the new people. A lot of the kids already know each other well, but her only good friend has cousins in Rugby, so she wasn't as interested in Eve as she normally would be. Plus, they're 3. Parallel play is still pretty much the norm. In the end she did play a lot with a lot of other kids. I especially liked it when she was befriended by an older girl, who took her under her wing a little. It does her good to socialise with older children, she doesn't get enough of that.

I got a few comments about how she of course is in the minority because she doesn't get left at a nursery to spend hours with loads of other kids. Well, no. But that's actually normal. It's not like I'm going to send her off to nursery at great personal expense just so she can interact in an "acceptable" manner for everyone else at Primary. I fact, we did used to go to a playgroup with lots of kids and she hated it, she never played with any of the other kids. Why on earth would I subject her to that just for someone elses ease??? rant over.

We left around 1:30pm because she was getting really ratty. Well, the crying fits were getting more frequent. She's struggling with sleeping and eating at the moment, but that's a whole other post. I hoped they'd be asleep in a few minutes of driving because I wanted to pop to Toft Alpaca and treat myself to a couple of balls of alpaca yarn to knit a baby jacket. Unfortunately not, so I ended up taking them in... Eve whinging all the way in...

And then SUDDENLY... the shop assistant walked in and Eve changed into a different child. Polite, eloquent... generally listening and returning conversation... she even started helping hanging socks up with her whilst I picked through the left over bits of yarn.

Willow, not quite so helpfully attempted to pull everything out of its box. Then I realised how much it would cost me to make a tiny baby jacket. So I chose a little nut of funky yarn... it'll make some cute little booties... lol.

Life...

2010-07-31T21:34:00.002+01:00

So, I am struggling.

I have lost my knitting mojo. And yet I am craving to start some projects for the baby. I've even requested a book from the library, which was at another library!! I've been to a far more experienced knitter and had her show me how to hold my yarn properly. Seriously, my method I picked up as an 8 year old was DIRE. I am so slow, but hopefully this will make me a more efficient knitter, when I actually pick up those sticks again.

I am not doing a good job of keeping the house tidy (but it is fairly clean).

Willow has spent the entire week on potty strike, except for I've-just-woken-up wee's. Thankfully she's still happy to sit for poo's (yay!) I've given up and put her in some lovely motherease Sandys, which I've been using more like training pants (thanks Carolyn). They are so thick they will hold an entire wee without spillage onto the carpet. Which is a blessing.

Eve is 3 going on 13. She is all the horrible things people associate with teenagers, but stuck in a tiny body. Mainly she is just tired, and unwilling to sleep in case she misses something. I'm hoping winter and the short days will help with that. Oh, and the passing of time, gaining of wisdom, and letting her work it out for herself. The other day she was desperate to go somewhere, until we got there and then I ended up dragging her out of the car because she'd somehow changed her mind in the 10min drive. In fact most days have been like that this week. I tell her the schedule... tescos (bleugh), then home, then the park, then a friends house... at tescos... "I don't want to go to tescos, I want to go home.!"... at home... "I don't want to go home, I want to go to the park!".... at the park... "I don't want to go to the park, I want to go to my friends house!!!"... Thank goodness she was happy at her friends house or I might have just given up my badge of mummy-hood. Gah, just GAAAAH! I want her to be happy. I want her to enjoy the time we have together. I don't want life to be a constant struggle between us. I wonder if it's my fault she is the way she is. I don't know how I could be more patient. I do think she needs someone who is more energetic... and at the moment, that just isn't me!

I have thrush on my breasts again. Willow has had it twice in her mouth now, and passed it to me both times. She's (seemingly) better now, but I'm not. It's getting pretty awful since I also have sensitive nipples due to the pregnancy. We've been using Grapefruit Seed Extract, diluted, topically, but I guess I'm just not doing it regularly enough. I have a feeling she's teething too, so there is that extra rubbage I suppose. We've also both been eating tons of yoghurt, I think that's why it's gone from her mouth. I tried yoghurt on breastpads today. Although the inital feeling was soothing, I'm pretty sure keeping the area wet did not help in any way shape or form,.I feel worse tonight than I have in a long time.

Nick is being totally fab through my hormonal phases. I went to bed early the other night, and came down completely worked up and sobbing like a baby. I won't go into why, but I had started with a reason, which had been totally blown out of proportion by the random hormones. He's been amazing today as well, while I've been mooching around the house. He took the kids so I could have a lie in... he baked the bread... tidied the kitchen... sent me to bed for another nap this afternoon.

In fact, I've just sent him out for a kebab. Horribly unhealthy, but he loves them, and he doesn't often get the opportunity at the moment.

However. I have had a couple of triumphs this week. My sister who is also pregnant (for the first time) came over earlier in the week, and I fed her food that didn't make her want to be sick... so she loves me :)

I get to send a letter to Julie B Beck, General President of the Relief Society Organisation. Okay, it's just to let her know that there is a new Stake RS president for the Coventry, England Stake... here's her address.... etc. but *I* get to sign it. Julie B Beck gets a letter SIGNED BY ME. OH SOOO COOL. All I need now is for Nick to decide on a printer so I can actually print it. Oh, and the special paper with the coventry stake letter head. How exciting!! I hope they give me more than one sheet in case I muck it up the first time!

My garden is mainly blooming. There's a little tweaking to be done next year (if I can be bothered next year) but I'm pleased I bothered growing some non-food items... the sweet peas are great for a start! The allotment has provided more food than I could've grown at home, even though we haven't managed to tap it's full potential. Hopefully with a little planning, and some extra man-power next year we will be able to do a better job and make more of it.

I have about a gazillion photos to upload, but I suppose that will have to wait for another time.

Birth Nudity

2010-07-23T23:09:00.003+01:00

I wasn't going to post this here for fear of spreading the troll around... but I have permission from TopHat, so here it is.

No Clothes for me - A brilliant post focused on birth nudity and LDS doctrine.

There are also some photos of TopHat after she gave birth. If you don't want to see them, don't look, and definately don't show them to your husband so he can verify that he thinks they are infact PORNOGRAPHY!

See, there, simple!

I know I'm in great company having a lot of the same beliefs as Heather surrounding childbirth. Plus, she's thought more about the ins and outs of the doctrinal side of things, which means I don't have to do all that research myself.

If you're LDS and have a passion for birth, breastfeeding and motherhood, the rest of TopHats blog is well worth checking out. Lots of great posts I keep coming back to again and again. It's just not the sort of thing you get to talk about in Relief Society... lol.

Normal service to resume shortly. Nick is back at work on Monday, so things should get back to normal here soon, and I might have some exciting news (but no more exciting than being pregnant, obviously!)

Just in case you are still lurking...

2010-07-21T10:56:00.005+01:00

I thought I'd clue you up on a few things, dear anonymous commenter of last night...

Firstly, when you post on someone elses blog, trying to make a point, it's probably a good idea to check your spelling. It's "disgusting" not "descusting". You will probably be taken a little more seriously this way.

Also check up on the definition of words you choose to use in your comment. For example, The Cambridge Advanced Learners dictionary defines "pornography" as:

"books, magazines, films, etc. with no artistic value which describe or show sexual acts or naked people in a way that is intended to be sexually exciting but would be considered unpleasant or offensive by many people."

Birth is not a sexual act. I was not intending to excite you in a sexual way, but if you find a post-birth woman sitting in a bloody bath with a newborn baby sexually exciting, then I am afraid it is you and in fact not me who has the problem. "Freaky" problem if you wanted to use a specific adjective that you seem keen on. Hence your definition of my beautiful photograph is completely inaccurate. Sorry about that.

Let me also clue you in on "what sort of mother would post pictures of herself all hanging out like that". It's very simple. I had an amazing experience. One that I would repeat in a heartbeat, despite it being the most difficult few hours of my life. My first daughters birth ended in an unnecessary ceasarean. One that could have been avoided if certain actions had been taken earlier in my labour. It was a tough time. To have sucessfully completed a labour and birth completely naturally was a big accomplishment for me. Perhaps not something you are interested in, but something that a lot of women (that I know at least) are. We are told from so many sources that we can't do it, that it's too difficult, that we should just take the medication the doctors and midwives offer. That we should give up our autonomy and instincts in labour so that the "experts" save us from ourselves. Rubbish. I share my birth so that others can see it is possible, and not completely unattainable. If I can do it, you can do it! There's more to it than that, but I want to at least contribute a little towards pushing back our societys ridiculous attitude to pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding.

I'm in a good place emotionally right now, which is why I was able to completely laugh off your ridiculous and ill-placed comments. However I am getting further along with my pregnancy now, and I do expect to have emotional blow-outs. Anything else would be unrealistic!

From now on, anonymous comments will not be allowed on this blog. If you want to say something, at least stand up and be counted for your opinion. Anonymous commenting, especially the nasty variety is the very height of cowardice in my opinion.

Especially for Aunty Lauren

2010-07-18T20:52:00.001+01:00

And everyone else...

please excuse my "morning hair" -- I had no idea Camilla was filming me as well as Willow - urgh!

Gah-ness.

2010-07-18T20:40:00.002+01:00

I'm trying to upload a video of Willow saying "I've got new clothes", but it won't let me, and I'm getting fed up.

I thought I'd just pop in to say that I've been officially called as Stake Relief Society Secretary today... and I'm a little terrified. Clearly someone has heard good things about me as Branch RS secretary... but I'm not convinced I'm as good as they all think... I have no idea how/if this is all going to work out and if I'm going to be the secretary my fearless leader hopes/needs me to be. Apart from being pregnant and feeling sick all the time, I have a 12mth old... for me that's the most difficult time, church attendence-wise at least. My kids are ready physically (but not emotionally) to be in Nursery at this point. They do not want to sit still, they do not want to play quietly. They want to stomp around and be a bit loud. They want to explore and see what things do. More than anything, they want to be outside. Willow is still too young for me to leave her with her Dad for the whole morning, as tempting as that might be, and It'd be nice to actually be able to go to the ward conferences without a cling-on / destroyer-of-worlds.

I just don't know how it's going to go, and with my fearless leader away on holiday I have no one to speak to to put my mind completely at rest (as I am sure she will). Hopefully it won't be long.

I'm really excited to be a part of the Stake RS presidency, to learn from them and actually see what it is they do... I'm looking forward to getting to know the sisters in other units in a way I've never been able to do before. I love Relief Society. (although I'm struggling to find my way again in a new ward... I'm sure it'll work out though).

Baby number 3 - Five in the bed??

2010-07-18T08:00:00.001+01:00

How exciting!

I'm writing this a few days after we found out I was pregnant for sure. I've had a feeling for a few weeks, but I've been putting the thoughts to the back of my mind. If I can put the queasy feeling onto something else, then I can ignore it and tell myself I just need to get on, it'll pass. Ha. I've never seen a pregnancy test line come up so quick!!

So, I'm not revealing my due date. Not to anyone. Ha. Get over it! If we get to my birthday then I'm overdue, and that is all that you are getting!

We've also made another decision. This pregnancy I will be doing my own prental observation and testing. No midwives until they become necessary. If they become necessary. I cannot deal with the fear and mistrust they bring into my life. I just don't need it.

I've ordered some urine analysis strips from this site, and they arrived this morning. Obviously I couldn't wait to try one out, so I can proudly announce that I have no glucose, protein, ketones, or blood in my urine, and my urine is the right pH apparently. Nick also tried one... apparently he's always wanted to (!) and his protein and pH were a little off. I might look into that for him. I should probably make sure he gets more protein in his diet, but it's difficult since we're not buying as my meat, and the only beans he will eat are baked beans... gah!

I'm thinking I'll get a pinard stethoscope at some point too. We do have a stethoscope, but it is a bit difficult to operate on my own pregnant belly, so this will be a big bonus :) I considered buying a doppler for the briefest of seconds, but not only are they expensive and unnecesary, there are studies which show that the signal can cause cell division to slow. Not a good effect to be having on a growing baby in my opinion.

So I'll be eating well, drinking plenty, exercising (how can I avoid that with my girls?) and just generally continuing to live life. Sure, I'm going to have to slow down, and I'm definately going to have to start going to bed a lot earlier :)

I do have a few concerns running through my mind, but generally they are based around other things that are affected by the pregnancy, not the pregnancy itself iyswim.

I've already started getting itchy fingers to start a little cardigan, but I'm going to hold off until I've finished a few projects.

Oh, in related news, a few days after we took the test, my sister Danii called to let me know she was pregnant too. I get to be pregnant with another of my lovely sisters :) at least it will keep mum distracted :D

A Year Old??? Where did the time go??

2010-07-14T20:20:00.003+01:00

My favourite photo of me, Ever.

So on this day at this time last year I gave birth to a gorgeous, perfect, little baby girl.

It was probably the most amazing time of my life, and I know that I did everything I could to give her the best start in her life possible.

She's an amazing little girl now. We've been able to spend a little time alone together the last few days as Nick and Eve have gone on holiday with Nanny and Grandad.

She has a real sparkling personality, and she's so funny to be around. Even though I haven't taught her "official" sign language, she's made up some of her own signs and noises to represent different things... hot is one in particular she knows very well! She loves nodding and shaking her head, waggling her finger at her sister when she's done something she ought not to have. She can say "Chsss" Which is Willow for "look, I know there's cheese in the fridge, just get it out and cut me some... come on dude!!" She also says "Shhhhh" for shoes.... and I think she already has a mild shoe fetish (eek). She's a real girly. More so than I ever remember Eve being. It's weird.

I can hardly believe that she barely wears nappies in the day, and we haven't had a pooey nappy (or related incident) in months and months, which is fantastic!

Happy birthday my little monkey, I hope you enjoy your day :)

You won't believe what I've just found on Ebay...

2010-07-11T00:20:00.002+01:00

knitted breasts with inverted nipples !! If only I'd known about these before this time last year...

Oh, and in case you're wondering why I'm up so early on the Sabbath Day... The house across the street is playing rather loud music. I'm thinking mum and dad have left the young adults home alone for the weekend... so we all get to suffer. I seem to remember some sort of law that you have to switch loud music off at 11pm. But apparently these kids haven't heard that one. Gah.

A new ward

2010-07-04T21:15:00.004+01:00

We just had news today at church. Our branch is being disappeared, we are now going to be attending the ward in Rugby.

It was all put over very positively. Apparently in every way that units in the church are measured, ours was (one of?) the best. However, we're a small branch. Most of us have at least 2 callings. We have a lot of inactive members (probably about half the roll).

The message I got is that by being consolidated into one group, we can help strengthen one another and share the load. We have strengths they need, and they have strengths we need. Hopefully it should all work out.

Another thing that struck me is that the decision had gone all the way up to the First Presidency. The Prophet himself had actually prayed about Daventry branch and its members specifically in order to decide what would be best for the church as a whole and all of us as individuals. This is the man who recieves direct communication from The Lord. He cannot be decieved. I take comfort in that.

I've got a few mixed feelings about the change, I mean who doesn't worry about change?

Firstly Rugby is my home ward. The place I grew up. Last time I attended that ward I was a child/young person. I am no longer that child. I am a woman who knows who she is and what she believes in. I feel accepted in Daventry branch, but will I feel the same acceptance with people who last knew me as a child, and where I have to try be myself (and not the child) with my mother and siblings around (why is that harder?)

Also it will mean that we will have to make a 20min trip back and forth each Sunday morning. The car is borked. That is Nicks technical term for not working. He is in process of fixing it (and I am feeling very blessed to be married to a man who knows how to change the power steering pump and radiator hose) but who knows how long it'll last - it's an old car. There are no buses to Rugby on a Sunday, it's not even in our Shire. Also this will mean there is little to no chance of getting Eve home awake to go down for her afternoon nap - which I rely on for sanity.

Oh, and we have to get used to new people. I'm not great at that. I am not great with subtilies (yes it is spelt like that, I checked!) and sometimes people mistake me as rude or unthinking. I don't know. I will just have to do my best.

I am hoping over the next few weeks we get well integrated into the ward. Lots of new callings and assignments. It will help us feel more involved and a part of things. I'd love to have a calling in Relief Society again, but who knows what will happen!

walking!

2010-06-26T14:50:00.002+01:00

here's a quick video of Willow walking. She's been at it for a while (she was just 10mths when she started to walk a couple of feet at a time spontaneously), but this is one of the first decent videos I've managed to capture!

London Temple, EC and visting friends

2010-06-25T20:01:00.014+01:00

Last weekend we went down to Surrey to The LDS London Temple. We just call it the temple, but that's because we are LDS. lol.

Our branch had organised coaches for the occasion, which was great since I do not think our car would have made it there and back intact. In fact our entire Stake had organised coaches and so there were lots of familiar faces.

Typically Willow stayed awake through our entire journey, and only fell asleep 5 min before we arrived! Thankfully she was in such an incredibly deep sleep that I managed to pass her over to Grandma, and myself and Nick disappeared into the temple for an endowment session, which was BLISS. I think before I had children I found them hard work, but now I really know what hard work is!!

family picnic on the grass

When we came out Eve had had a wonderful time completing a nature treasure hunt in the grounds with Grandma and Aunty Cam, and Willow was really happy to see us too.

The extraodinary fact in this entire day is that Willow didn't wear a nappy once. Not on the journey to the school where we caught the coach, not on the coach, not in the grounds, and not on the way back to my friends home. We didn't have even one single accident that whole day

I felt slightly nervous about going nappy free away from home for so long, but I also felt like putting a nappy on her and ignoring her elimination needs would be a huge step back. Every Sunday we do tend to use a nappy at church, and she regresses slightly for a few hours/days after the nappy is removed. we have more accidents. I've been going out and about more with her nappy free. She rarely wears a nappy in the car, even to Rugby (a 20min journey) now, and I tend to carry her around in the wrap nappy free when we're doing the shopping in town.

Potty break in Trafalgar Square!

I keep remembering what one of my highly inspirational "friends" on facebook said about ECing from birth with her daughter - she trusts her daughter not to pee on her, and her daughter trusts her to provide adequate "pottytunities". It's so true! Babies are born with an inbuilt desire not to soil themselves, they just need us to help them, just as any small animal can be housetrained, but needs us to let them into a place they are meant to "go".

She's still wearing a nappy at night, because I'm so exhausted. Especially with the heat. There have been a few occasions where her nappy has been almost dry in the morning. Sometimes she objects quite strongly to sitting on the potty, and I wonder if she'd been pottied from birth at night if she would still be doing this?

Anyway, here are the photos from London,

Eve with the Lions at Trafalgar Square

Eve's nutella milkshake at My Dutch pancake house

The biggest pancake I've ever seen!

Eve with pink hair and a microphone :s

Eve eating a delicious pink cupcake

So that's all the photos from London, I didn't really get the chance to take many. Living with two small children is pretty hard work for me, without being away from home, so I found it tough. I don't think we'll be spending any time away from home any time soonish. Not with Just me as their primary care-giver anyway, there was just no let up from 5-6am in the morning to 9pm at night, and without anyone to take over from me (strangely, or not, Willow became velcro-child that weekend, screaming if I put her down or if someone else picked her up)

The parks in London are great. Huge. There always seems to be kids there.

A few photos of the last few days since it's taken me so long to blog...

Willow in the playhouse

one of Eves "create your own monster" from Nicks iphone

another monster - just for fun :)

Out on a walk round the country park

Willow in the park area

Pee-po!

Having a wander

Little monkey

feeding the geese

Hanging on to the wire

There's a stone in my shoe!

Sheep in the meadows, hmm, wonder if they sell the fleece...

flowers

poppy fields and pylons

hay bales ready to be collected. Or humbugs as Nick calls them...

More poppy fields... gorgeous!

OOOh! Nearly forgot about this. Now to most this will seem fairly inconsequential. But this is one of Eves very first attempts at sucessfully and accuratelyt writing her name. I think she did brilliantly. I didn't even notice she was doing it until she'd finished, which is great because it didn't give me the opportunity to possibly interfere. Unfortunately it was on the front of Daddys birthday card. But he didn't mind too much :)

This is the basket of elderflowers we picked before we went to London. I made the cordial wrong, and it tasted awful. For reference, make your sugar/water mixture and boil it down BEFORE adding to the flowers. I might try again next week when Nick is back at work. Things always seem easier to get done without the extra presence... lol.

Eve doing up her flower press. I think it's pretty much full, so we'll proably be using the flowers over the winter to decorate things...

Education and Cereal

2010-06-09T15:23:00.008+01:00

Here's a shot of my own breakfast this morning, the cereal I made myself :) it turned out pretty good! It's made from the wheat in our food storage, and it's pretty simple to make.

First you take the wheat out of the packet and give it a rinse, then chuck it in a pan with a litre of water for each 500g of wheat, and bring to boil then simmer for 20min. Once the time is up, drain and put on plates to cool.

Next you need a wheat grinder (or I've heard a coffee grinder works too) it only needs to be very coarse, which is just as well, since that's what we've got. Oh yeah, so grind the cooked and cooled wheat.

Get a nice big frying pan out. Add a nice chunk of butter, and bring to a moderate heat. Fry 200g of wheat for 6min, or thereabouts. Next add a 30g of sugar and keep frying, moving the contents constantly so it doesn't stick. Finally add a tablespoon of water. Stir the water in, it should clump up a bit -- that's what you want.

Transfer to a baking tray and cook at 180degC/gas4 for 20min.

Once baking is complete add dried fruit to your hearts content. We've had raisins, dates, apple, pear, apricots... oh, and I added poppy seeds, linseed and sesame seeds before baking. The apricots I used were unsulphured and I'm not convinced I like the taste. Meh.

Here's a couple of awful photos of me wearing Willow in a new wrap style... it's called the double hammock, and I think I'm in love! I still need to work on it a little!

Eve took this photo of her dolly in the toy pram yesterday. She is getting better at taking photos :)
The den we made out of spare duvets and chairs yesterday... both girls LOVED it!

Eve playing Uno with me today. I took out all the "wild" cards, so we just play with numbers and colours, she's incredibly quick at this, and she would have won all 3 games if I hadn't pulled the "but you didn't say uno" rule... what can I say, I'm a sore loser! We don't really play properly, we put all the cards flat on the table, so she can see what I've got and I can see what she's got, she hasn't quite got the hang of holding 7 or more cards in her hands, and it takes too long to check through them all otherwise.

Another game we played just before naptime. It's called different things, but we normally called it squares... and we normally played it in sacrament meeting on paper... but that's another story! This is the first time I've got this game down for her to play, so I told her the rules and we made an attempt to play "properly" but she just wanted to make sqaures around her houses and put men in. So I let her.

I stumbled on this new magazine being produced by EOS (Education Outside School) and it's great! I've been contemplating whether to print a few copies to give to a neighbours/friends/family, but that would mean using the inlaws printer, and that's just a bit rude really... lol.

So in all actuality this post is all about education... I've learnt LOADS this week and so have the girls... Willow is now toddling around (it's hilarious I must get a film of her doing it) I can't quite believe that some folks think that once you finish school you don't have to learn anymore... although I suppose that is true... you don't have to... and if you've been turned off from learning, I can see why you would choose not to... but I'm loving it, and I can only see this Home Education path we're on being something amazing for us all to learn with and from each other. And individually of course!! I only hope Nick will get swept away in the fun too! I am truely unschooled now :D

Oh! I'll share this quickly. I popped into the library to see if they'd put up one of my fliers for Math tuition. Turns out they won't because I charge, but that's fine... I was wearing Willow at the time, and the lady said - ooh, that's good! where did you learn to do that, it's like someone in India... and I said... hm. I learned it off the internet. She was a little disappointed. I need to come up with some crazy story to tell people about my wild and amazing travels around the world discovering how native people carry their babies.... /rolls eyes.

I'm really getting fired up to start a HE group in Daventry. By myself if needs must. so.many.ideas!!

Counting To Four video

2010-06-08T14:46:00.002+01:00

Here's the video I was trying to upload the other night...

Beads and singing

2010-06-06T22:22:00.007+01:00

I just wanted to post a few quick pictures and a video from today... I've also got a link to my album of photos from my sisters wedding yesterday. There's only a few because I was too busy talking and looking after sproglets to take many after the service. I should be able to link to the professional photos in a few weeks!

Link here to Daniis wedding shots

Eve earlier on today. After running around in the nude for
a good few hours she decided she was cold and wanted
to blow wedding bubbles in her "snow suit"

I'm trying to make some improvements in my life and my priorites are de-junking the house and getting more organised about having several hands on activities with Eve in the week. She needs to be busy, but she also needs me with her, which is difficult with a little one around, so Willow is going to have to spend some time in her highchair or in the wrap for a while each day while me and Eve do some colouring or saltdough, painting, colouring, cooking, beading... stuff like that... I really want to get her started on some lapbooks. All of this involves being more organised and having stuff ready to go in the day when we need it.

The beads I've been making from fimo I've had for a year now. Eve loves them. So do I!

I had a tough day today. We're really struggling financially. There's only so many weeks you can live on £20 for your entire groceries... we have a fairly good food storage, but at some point it runs out... and we always need fresh fruit and vegetables and, it seems, milk. I am in a good place emotionally, which helps. I am remembering that this is a good thing. I need this trial to improve me, we need this trial to bring us closer as a family, as a couple. This will pass, one day things will not be as hard.

I know that one thing I can do to help myself is to find some students to tutor in the evenings. I'm going to take some fliers and business cards into town in the morning and see how many shops etc. I can get to put them up. It's good practice for when I want to set up a HE group in the town anyway, right? lol.

Our branch president has a little idea of what is going on. He doesn't need to know everything, we have extensive family support and we don't need help from the church, it wouldn't be appropriate in our case. We'd forgotten to pay Nicks tithing last week, so it needed to be paid this week. I couldn't find my chequebook anywhere, but I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. It needed to be paid before the mortgage came out and I struggled with the idea of giving up that much money. In the end I took all the money from our cash box, which is the money I earn tutoring, and went to the hole in the wall on the way to church to withdraw extra. It was hard, but I felt the spirit telling me it was going to be okay, and I felt glad, happy and yet still a little emotional. Which wasn't helped by the opening hymn... "Oh, my father"... a hymn which specifically refers to the existence of our Heavenly Mother and I used to sing over and over to myself when I was pregnant with Willow and struggling with various issues (normally midwives) Then the poor branch president asked us questions in turn to do with how we deal with things in our families and how we are learning/growing from them... he asked me to think about "sacrifice". Well. That was it. The tears became free-flowing. He realised his mistake a fraction of a second too slow. I grinned and cried and excused myself for a minute. He gave me another topic, about the value of work I think. Which I hastened to answer, probably extremely badly. To be honest, I wasn't crying real tears of sadness. I don't know, I think I just felt overwhelmed with a feeling of love and comfort that things would be okay, and when he asked me, I wanted to talk about the sacrifice of being home with my girls, how I don't have new clothes, or a haircut, or all the snazzy electronics I would like. The various things both Nick and I willingly give up including our time and energy to be the parents we want to be. It was all just too much!!

I'd like to add for a certain person who might or might not be reading this, that during the lesson that our branch president taught, I breastfed Willow no less than twice. To put this in perspective, there was five of us sisters sitting in a small horseshoe arrangement, so I wasn't hidden near the back or otherwise out of sight. I'd like to report that no one even raised an eyebrow, no tutting, comments or anything else... and I do not expect to be talked to about this either, it just won't happen. I wanted to mention that not in a "ner ner ner ner ner" sort of way, but just to underline the fact that even in "stiff upper lip" propriety-is -everything Britain, and even in a lesson where a man is teaching, this was a complete non-issue. I wish it was for you too!!

Oh, and in the Sunday school lesson today, someone pointed out that Samuel was brought up by his mother until he was 3 -- and was weaned -- before he was sent to the temple into the Lords service. I thought that was interesting!

We've got a temple trip on the 19th June, and I just cannot wait. It cannot come soon enough!!

I've been trying to upload a cute video of Eve singing, but blogger won't have it at the moment... maybe next post :)