I've been meaning to write about this for a while. About 3 months in fact.
Just shortly after we found out I was pregnant, I made a decision. It was a hard decision, because it went against a decision I'd previously made, which was to breastfeed Eve to term; until she was ready to stop. However, I couldn't possibly have foreseen this circumstance. I knew that with being pregnant my milk supply could and probably would drop. This hadn't been a problem when I was pregnant with Willow, since Eve was already 18 months or so and my milk clearly wasn't a massive part of her diet anymore. She ate, and especially drank a lot more than she had previously done. She never made any comment on the milk changing, even when the new milk came in.
This time, I knew Willow was younger. I knew she still needed my milk. I didn't think it would be fair to her or me to continue tandem feeding through this pregnancy, especially since I was already totally exhausted.
So we did it. I stopped letting Eve have her morning milk. It was hard at first, but she doesn't ask anymore.
Eve hasn't been feeding to sleep for a long while, and so I knew it wouldn't impact her there.
I have noticed over the last few months a change in her. She hasn't been sleeping as well, and she's not eating as much as she did before. She's grumpy a lot, and doesn't really want to do much given the choice. I'm trying to give her a lot of cuddles and time with me, but I'm not seeing any improvement. I don't know if the changes are down to this premature weaning. It's the only thing that's really changed.
Yesterday she came out of nursery early. Apparently she was a little "out of sorts" and "wouldn't share". I don't think it's a good idea to share any more of my thoughts on this, because I get a little cross, and it's not appropriate content.
Bottom line is that she's not interested in anything... playing, eating... you name it... she just wants to "watch a film!"
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An update 12/08/2010:
After a lot of thought on how to change things, this is what we're now doing to try and make Eve feel happier...
Making sure she's having a proper, scheduled nap in the afternoon. Not allowing her to fall asleep in front of a film, but actually taking her to her bedroom and her having a nap. A big part of this is routine... making sure she knows what's going on and the order of things, ie. lunch, play, tidy up, hot chocolate (if she wants it), toilet, story in bed, close curtains, music on, drink nearby, quick cuddle and then mummy leaves closing door firmly behind her. Yes I have to be that detailed and specific with her. She picks up on ALL the details. This is basically her bedtime routine, so that helps since she's kind of already used to it. She has cried a little, and I don't like that much, but it's working, and she's not grumpy in the afternoon/evening!
Moving the table arrangements so that instead of Willow being next to me and Eve being next to Nick, Eve is next to me. Nick has been causing some stress at meal times by insisting that she eat all of her dinner. Sometimes he has dished up, and he's given her far too much, but still thinks she should eat everything on her plate. I try to give her a smaller plate to remind me that she needs a lot less, whereas he often puts her dinner on a large plate like ours, and over estimates her portion. An easy mistake to make, but it also scares her when she sees the amount on her plate I think. It's not how we've brought her up as a self-led weaner... and it's not conducive to her wanting to spend time with us at meals. She's a lot happier at dinner now, I didn't think it would be so simple to fix. It wasn't even a planned move, I just put Willows high chair out of the way and it ended up elsewhere at dinner time! She's sat on my knee once, and I've spoon/fork fed her another time, but she's eaten a lot more (which she needs) and she's enjoyed the mealtime.
Giving her extra time in the evenings to hang out with me and Nick by herself, after Willow has gone to bed. As long as she's happy pottering around and behaving sociably, I'm not too bothered how long she stays up. One night we played Uno, another night we got all the playdough out. I remember another night where I read about 50 books! Tonight we made chocolate cup cakes, which we'll probably ice tomorrow, and perhaps take a few to a friend.
That seems to be doing the job for now, but we'll see how it goes. They seem ridiculously simple and possibly totally obvious, but the change when both have been implemented has been amazing. I think that both of the scheduled activities are going to be extremely helpful when the new baby makes an appearance. Now I just have to figure out something to help Willow not be so jealous and possessive of me when I'm cuddling other small children... which she really is :D
Just shortly after we found out I was pregnant, I made a decision. It was a hard decision, because it went against a decision I'd previously made, which was to breastfeed Eve to term; until she was ready to stop. However, I couldn't possibly have foreseen this circumstance. I knew that with being pregnant my milk supply could and probably would drop. This hadn't been a problem when I was pregnant with Willow, since Eve was already 18 months or so and my milk clearly wasn't a massive part of her diet anymore. She ate, and especially drank a lot more than she had previously done. She never made any comment on the milk changing, even when the new milk came in.
This time, I knew Willow was younger. I knew she still needed my milk. I didn't think it would be fair to her or me to continue tandem feeding through this pregnancy, especially since I was already totally exhausted.
So we did it. I stopped letting Eve have her morning milk. It was hard at first, but she doesn't ask anymore.
Eve hasn't been feeding to sleep for a long while, and so I knew it wouldn't impact her there.
I have noticed over the last few months a change in her. She hasn't been sleeping as well, and she's not eating as much as she did before. She's grumpy a lot, and doesn't really want to do much given the choice. I'm trying to give her a lot of cuddles and time with me, but I'm not seeing any improvement. I don't know if the changes are down to this premature weaning. It's the only thing that's really changed.
Yesterday she came out of nursery early. Apparently she was a little "out of sorts" and "wouldn't share". I don't think it's a good idea to share any more of my thoughts on this, because I get a little cross, and it's not appropriate content.
Bottom line is that she's not interested in anything... playing, eating... you name it... she just wants to "watch a film!"
***********************
An update 12/08/2010:
After a lot of thought on how to change things, this is what we're now doing to try and make Eve feel happier...
Making sure she's having a proper, scheduled nap in the afternoon. Not allowing her to fall asleep in front of a film, but actually taking her to her bedroom and her having a nap. A big part of this is routine... making sure she knows what's going on and the order of things, ie. lunch, play, tidy up, hot chocolate (if she wants it), toilet, story in bed, close curtains, music on, drink nearby, quick cuddle and then mummy leaves closing door firmly behind her. Yes I have to be that detailed and specific with her. She picks up on ALL the details. This is basically her bedtime routine, so that helps since she's kind of already used to it. She has cried a little, and I don't like that much, but it's working, and she's not grumpy in the afternoon/evening!
Moving the table arrangements so that instead of Willow being next to me and Eve being next to Nick, Eve is next to me. Nick has been causing some stress at meal times by insisting that she eat all of her dinner. Sometimes he has dished up, and he's given her far too much, but still thinks she should eat everything on her plate. I try to give her a smaller plate to remind me that she needs a lot less, whereas he often puts her dinner on a large plate like ours, and over estimates her portion. An easy mistake to make, but it also scares her when she sees the amount on her plate I think. It's not how we've brought her up as a self-led weaner... and it's not conducive to her wanting to spend time with us at meals. She's a lot happier at dinner now, I didn't think it would be so simple to fix. It wasn't even a planned move, I just put Willows high chair out of the way and it ended up elsewhere at dinner time! She's sat on my knee once, and I've spoon/fork fed her another time, but she's eaten a lot more (which she needs) and she's enjoyed the mealtime.
Giving her extra time in the evenings to hang out with me and Nick by herself, after Willow has gone to bed. As long as she's happy pottering around and behaving sociably, I'm not too bothered how long she stays up. One night we played Uno, another night we got all the playdough out. I remember another night where I read about 50 books! Tonight we made chocolate cup cakes, which we'll probably ice tomorrow, and perhaps take a few to a friend.
That seems to be doing the job for now, but we'll see how it goes. They seem ridiculously simple and possibly totally obvious, but the change when both have been implemented has been amazing. I think that both of the scheduled activities are going to be extremely helpful when the new baby makes an appearance. Now I just have to figure out something to help Willow not be so jealous and possessive of me when I'm cuddling other small children... which she really is :D
A lot of the behaviour problems you shared about Eve ring true to Cara's attitude and changes, I'm not so sure it's linked to weaning, maybe in part, but mostly just growing up.
ReplyDeleteI love my hour or so with Cara when Felicity is in bed, it's great Mummy Daughter time. We like doing jigsaws at the moment, and we can't really do them with Felicity she just likes breaking them up and eating the pieces.
Margaret has been cranky and just wants to watch movies, too. In our case, I now if she got to play outside every day, it would be better.
ReplyDeleteyep, I agree with you Hedge... the weaning thing is probably just in my mind and I'm guilt tripping over it... I hope it will pass soon. And the Princess phase too. I'm banning all Disney Princesses from now on I think....!!!
ReplyDeleteTopHat I think you're spot on. We already try to spend a lot of time outdoors as the kids entire demeanor changes simply by walking out the back door! I helps that we have a nice back garden and a lot of countryside to walk in around our home.